Alright, I’ll admit it: my child, now 3 ½ years old, has only just started sleeping through the night. Yes, you read that correctly—3 ½ years, not mere months.
Some of you might be shaking your heads in disbelief, while others are probably nodding along, thinking, “Thank goodness, I’m not alone!”
When I was pregnant with my firstborn, if someone had told me that my baby wouldn’t sleep through the night for several years, I would have thought they were joking. Like many first-time parents, I fell for the common narrative that sleep deprivation would be a temporary struggle. Sure, I expected some sleepless nights, but I figured it would just be a few months before I could enjoy my peaceful slumber again. Boy, was I mistaken!
When my little one finally arrived, I was indeed sleep-deprived. Despite my expectations, nothing could prepare me for the sheer exhaustion that accompanied those early months. I felt like a zombie from a horror film, navigating life while nursing and managing a constant state of fatigue.
As we approached the 3-month milestone, I remember asking my mother when things would start to improve. “Oh, I remember you sleeping through the night at about 3 months,” she assured me. But when the moment finally came, my baby was still waking up every few hours to nurse. And just when I thought things might improve, the infamous 4-month sleep regression hit—suddenly, I was dealing with nightly wake-ups every hour, often interrupted by kicks to the face!
I somehow survived the first year. There were moments when my son would sleep for three to four hours, which felt manageable, but there were also nights of hourly disruptions that left me feeling like I might collapse from exhaustion. I wasn’t interested in sleep training, and every attempt I made at encouraging independent sleep only seemed to make things worse. My kids didn’t do well with the whole “fuss a bit and then drift off” approach. For them, it was more like “scream for hours until someone gives in,” which wasn’t an option for me.
When my firstborn reached the one-year mark, I hoped for the magic shift in sleep patterns. There were indeed longer stretches of sleep, but sleeping “through the night” remained a distant dream. I asked my mother again if I had truly been a good sleeper as a baby. “Oh no, that was just when your colic ended. You didn’t sleep through until about 2 or 3, maybe even longer. I can’t quite remember,” she confessed.
I suspect that many parents with poor sleepers block out those sleepless nights, so I understand my mother’s response. She probably wanted to shield me from the harsh realities of new parenthood. When she finally told me the truth, I felt immense relief. I just wished I had known sooner; it would have saved me a lot of unnecessary anxiety.
Of course, there are parents blessed with what I like to call “mythical unicorn sleepers.” You know the ones: you place them in their crib while they’re still drowsy, and poof—they drift off into a peaceful slumber as if on a cloud of fairy dust. But for the rest of us, who deal with average to downright terrible sleepers, it would be refreshing to just have the honest conversation about baby sleep.
The reality is this: Most babies won’t sleep through the night—meaning a solid 10 to 12 hours—until many months later, and some might take even years. There’s no such thing as a “normal” timeline; it varies just as much as developmental milestones like walking or talking. Some babies take to sleep training easily, while others simply refuse to sleep, regardless of the methods you try.
So, don’t beat yourself up. Don’t feel guilty. You’re not doing anything wrong. Some children are just late bloomers when it comes to sleep. And remember, every child eventually learns to sleep through the night.
When my second child came along, I was armed with the knowledge of baby sleep realities, making the sleepless nights much easier to bear. I was okay with walking around like a zombie, and I embraced the fact that having mac and cheese every night for dinner was perfectly fine. Most importantly, I understood that this phase was temporary.
Now, my 3 ½-year-old does mostly sleep through the night, although he still occasionally stirs to ask for water or to inquire about snacks—which is completely normal. However, I can’t help but worry from time to time, especially when I lie awake wondering about my children’s futures. And I know that as they grow into teenagers, I’ll likely spend many more nights waiting up for them to come home.
The truth is, once you become a parent, sleep is something you learn to navigate in a new way. You adjust, and you find joy in the little moments, even amidst the exhaustion. Your kids are lovable and endearing enough to make it (almost) worth it.
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In summary, let’s stop romanticizing the 3-month sleep mark for babies. Parenting is a journey filled with sleepless nights and unexpected challenges, but it’s also a time of immense growth and love. Embrace the chaos, and know that you’re not alone.
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