Every month, I gather with a wonderful group of women to discuss our latest book and share life experiences. With a bit of chocolate and wine, we dive into the many things that have transpired since our last meeting.
Recently, our conversation turned to the topics of beauty and body image—issues that resonate deeply with women. One of my friends, a teacher, shared a troubling story from her school. A group of first-grade girls, all involved in gymnastics, decided to form a gymnastics club. When another girl, who didn’t take gymnastics but wanted to join, asked to be part of the club, one of the girls responded, “You have to be skinny to be in the gymnastics club.” This comment, made by a child who is only 6 or 7 years old, was not intended to be mean; it was simply a reflection of something she had heard from her coaches.
This response had serious consequences. The girl who was turned away went home and asked her thin mother how she could become thinner. It’s critical to understand that this child isn’t overweight—she’s just a typical little girl still growing into her body. This situation raises concerns about why young girls are becoming aware of body image issues at such a tender age. When a girl hears that she cannot join a club simply because of her weight, she internalizes a damaging message: that she is not “enough” simply as she is.
I can relate to this experience. As a child, my family struggled financially, yet they managed to enroll me in ballet classes. I was tall and a bit awkward—a big-boned girl, as my mother would say. Looking back at my childhood photos, I wasn’t overweight, but I was built differently than many of my peers. After a few months of lessons, my ballet instructor, an actual French ballerina, told my mom (within earshot) that I would likely be “too fat” for ballet and suggested she save her money. She delivered this message matter-of-factly, as if it were an undeniable truth.
While it’s true that certain body types may excel in specific activities like ballet or gymnastics, it’s completely inappropriate to encourage young girls to focus on being thinner just to meet an unrealistic standard. At such a young age, girls should be free to play, explore, and imagine themselves as whatever they want to be—be it a gymnast, a ballerina, or something entirely different—without the burden of body image concerns.
I understand that coaches aim to foster success and may sometimes feel the need to guide students out of certain activities if they don’t fit a particular mold. However, using body type as a criterion for exclusion is unacceptable. Not every coach has this mindset, and many are genuinely supportive, but we still have a significant issue to address.
For years, I battled with self-image, trying to prove that I was thin enough to be beautiful, successful, and accepted. These early experiences of body shaming can leave lasting scars, leading to issues such as eating disorders, body dysmorphia, and anxiety. It’s essential to stop telling young girls that they aren’t thin enough. We need to reject the notion that only one body type is beautiful and work towards fostering a healthy self-image in all girls.
If I had a daughter, I would reassure her that she is beautiful just as she is, far beyond her physical appearance. I’d remind her that she is brave, creative, kind, and strong. These are the affirmations I wish someone had shared with me when I was growing up.
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Summary
We must stop perpetuating harmful messages about body image to young girls. Comments that dictate worth based on physical appearance can lead to lifelong struggles with self-esteem and body image. Instead, we should empower girls to embrace their unique qualities and appreciate themselves as they are.
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