It was one of those challenging afternoons. My son hopped off the school bus, and I could instantly sense something was off. Typically, I’m the one who can restore balance in our home. I strive to be calm, to embody that Zen mom persona—though let’s be honest, it’s a work in progress. As a mom of a child with autism, I’m learning to navigate the ups and downs of parenting with patience and grace.
That day, however, was particularly tough. My son often grapples with aggressive behaviors, and all the therapists we’ve seen have emphasized the importance of staying calm and avoiding reactions during his outbursts. I couldn’t tell you how the argument began. He simply refused to listen, and knowing he was likely hungry, I tried to offer him a snack. But he dug in his heels, growing frustrated that he couldn’t have cookies until after his fruit—our standard routine. I could sense he was on the brink of letting out those pent-up emotions, and soon enough, he did.
In an instant, he was flailing his arms, striking me. Next, he grabbed a book I was reading and started tearing pages, his frustration escalating. When he reached for the library books nearby, I snapped.
I remember running away from him, clutching the books protectively, trying to find a safe space as he chased after me, hands raised. He missed twice, but the third time he struck me hard on the back. That was the moment I lost my composure.
Rage surged through me. How could he do this? I was the adult! I shouted at him to back off or I would throw the book. He retreated to the couch, laughing, which only fueled my anger. Without even thinking, my hand lifted one of the softcover books, and I tossed it at him. It hit his arm, and the shock on both our faces was unforgettable.
“Mommy, you threw the book at me!” he exclaimed.
I was trembling—not just from having thrown the book, but from the realization that I wanted to do it again. Anger bubbled up inside me, mixed with guilt for losing my temper. Tears streamed down my face as I retrieved the book, confessing, “I’m really sorry, but I’m also upset. I need to go calm down in my calm corner.”
We had established calm corners for him during his meltdowns, and I realized I needed one for myself. I hurried to the one room in our home with a lock—the family bathroom. There, I let the tears flow for about 15 minutes, releasing the pent-up frustration. That moment marked a turning point for me; I never lost my cool with him like that again.
Motherhood forces us to confront both our strengths and weaknesses. It can be a path to resilience if we allow it. I’ve spoken with other moms of children with special needs who have shared their own moments of meltdown. One friend admitted to retaliating when her son stomped on her foot, finding temporary satisfaction in his howl of protest, only to feel shame afterward. Another recounted how she yelled at her child until he cried, feeling terrible afterward. Even moms of neurotypical kids have shared similar experiences of losing control and needing timeouts themselves.
Let’s be real: we’ve all had our moments of losing it. We’re human. But if we use these experiences to learn and find ways to manage our anger, we can model calmness for our children—whether they have special needs or not. That difficult moment reshaped me; it taught me to face my emotions with honesty and compassion.
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In summary, moments of frustration in parenting can teach us valuable lessons about ourselves. Navigating these challenges can lead to personal growth and a deeper understanding of our children’s needs.
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