I stand before you today, ready to accept the illustrious title for the Most Exhausting Night Ever. A heartfelt thank you goes out to the esteemed parenting community for their support, especially the American Academy of Pediatrics for their guidelines on children’s sleep—guidelines my little ones blatantly disregarded last night.
I am honored to claim this award in the category of Tired Mom with a Partner Away. The competition was fierce, and I extend my respect to all fellow nominees. May your sleepless nights be fewer and farther between.
A Special Thanks
First, I owe a debt of gratitude to my spirited toddler. Your antics between 2:45 and 3:30 a.m. were nothing short of Oscar-worthy. The gentle whimper for a drink turned into a full-blown symphony of screams upon discovering that water was not the preferred choice. Milk was apparently the true star of the show.
A shout-out to the farmers who provided the wholesome food that nourished me during pregnancy. Without their hard work, it’s clear that your vocal prowess would not have reached such impressive heights. And let’s not forget the sturdy crib that survived your relentless attempts to escape.
I must thank my mother for instilling in me the gift of patience. As I attempted to calm my furious child, it felt less like rocking and more like wrestling a wild animal. Thank you, inner voice of reason, for finally conceding that a lesson could wait until sunrise and that milk was the immediate priority.
Oh, and my two lovely daughters who decided to join me in bed around 5 a.m. — I graciously accept this award on behalf of your future partners who will undoubtedly endure some bruises from your energetic kicks. A special mention goes to my oldest for that surprising slap to my face, which truly encapsulated the spirit of the night.
I also extend my gratitude to the chirping birds whose early morning concert at 6 a.m. solidified my claim to this award, along with a text from my beloved mom at 7 a.m. that was, let’s say, less than helpful.
Finally, a nod to my husband who will be returning tonight. I wish to share this honor with you, but honestly, I’m claiming the bed at my parents’ house for some much-needed rest.
In Summary
In summary, I feel I have earned this recognition. Exhaustion? Yes. Deserving? Absolutely.
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