When it comes to pregnancy, I can honestly say mine was pretty smooth sailing. I was fortunate enough to avoid the typical struggles—no morning sickness, no gestational diabetes, and I certainly didn’t have to endure any bed rest or bleeding. I’d heard the horror stories from friends who faced complications, but I felt incredibly grateful, and if I’m being honest, a bit smug. I mean, how challenging could this whole pregnancy thing really be? Look at me, the embodiment of fertility! A true goddess of motherhood right here!
However, that smugness quickly came back to bite me when the subtler side effects of carrying a tiny human began to surface. I read somewhere that the hormonal rollercoaster of pregnancy could lead to memory issues and cognitive decline. Spoiler alert: they weren’t kidding. I developed what can only be described as a severe case of “mommy brain.” While some dismiss pregnancy brain as a myth, let me assure you, the foggy-headedness was all too real. Here are just a few of my less-than-brilliant moments during this time:
- My Memory Was Abysmal.
Honestly, it wasn’t great to begin with, but suddenly I couldn’t even recall basic words. You know, those little things you string together to form sentences? Yep, those. I often forgot why I’d entered a room or where I had left my bag. (Spoiler: It was in the pantry—because who doesn’t store their purse with their snacks?) - I Became Incredibly Ineffective.
Despite working long hours, I wanted to prove I could handle my job. I aimed to keep my desk napping to just three or four times a day—max. And during my first trimester, I somehow got lost driving to work. Fun fact: I’d been at the same job for six years. - I Turned Into a Maternity Fashionista—Before I Even Knew I Was Pregnant.
I was so excited when I got that positive test that I immediately splurged on designer maternity clothes. At just six weeks along, I was already rocking maternity wear. Who does that? Apparently, me. By the end of my second trimester, I was bursting out of those “adorable” outfits and regretted every purchase. - I Lost Sight of Reality.
Amidst my silly shopping spree, I began to collect ridiculously fancy newborn clothing, convinced I was preparing to dress the next royal baby. Seriously, who needs to iron newborn clothes? Fast forward to a year later, and after a diaper blowout that turned my little one’s cream-colored outfit into a disaster, I learned my lesson the hard way. - Identity Crisis Alert!
The emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy had me feeling all sorts of ways. Instead of becoming short-tempered, I found myself more patient and soft-spoken, which left my husband scratching his head. He was used to my fiery personality, so my sudden tears over a paint color made him question everything. - Lifetime Movies Became My Obsession.
Watching too many of those films turned me into a bit of a paranoid mess. I even slammed the door on a stranger, convinced they were there to kidnap my baby. Yeah, they were just trying to share some religious pamphlets. - Questionable Choices in Personal Care.
I decided to treat myself to a full day of pampering at a new spa. What could possibly go wrong? After a prenatal massage, my “stylist” convinced me to chop my hair for easier maintenance. Leaving the chair, I realized I now had a mullet. Then came the facial, where I learned the hard way about microdermabrasion and, oh boy, it was like a mini sander on my face. Finally, I thought I’d be nice to my OB/GYN with a bikini wax. Did you know pregnancy makes that 10,000% more painful? I learned that lesson the hard way.
I left the spa feeling completely unrefreshed and questioning my ability to keep a baby alive. My Pregnancy-Induced Stupidity Disorder (PISD) had me worried. A few weeks later, I welcomed my beautiful baby boy into the world without a hitch. Now, as he excels in every gifted program available, I can’t help but chuckle at my pre-baby antics.
My days of baby-making are behind me. While I wish I could say I’m back to my sharp-witted self, some of that “dumb-mentia” still lingers, even with my youngest being 10 years old. Here’s hoping for a return to clarity with the onset of menopause, right? Right?
If you’re interested in more about pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource. And if you’re considering at-home insemination, Cryobaby offers great kits for your needs. For more amusing insights on pregnancy brain, feel free to explore this other blog post.
In summary, pregnancy can lead to some truly silly moments, and while I may have experienced a serious case of “mommy brain,” those memories have become cherished stories I love to share.
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