Recently, a snowstorm hit, and I missed my morning run. The following day, I woke my husband, Jake, eager to head out for my usual Saturday 4-mile jog. He advised against it, worried about the unclear roads. But I knew they were fine, and honestly, I need my runs. They energize me; skipping one means a grumpy mom, and nobody wants that.
As I ran, I reflected on the crucial conversations Jake and I had yet to have regarding parenting and life in my absence. We’ve touched on the basics—who would take care of the kids, life insurance details, and where I might want my ashes spread—but there’s so much more to discuss. Here’s what I want him to keep in mind:
1. Engage in Open Conversations About Life Choices
Talking about sensitive topics like sex, drugs, and drinking isn’t easy, but it’s vital. While Jake might find these discussions uncomfortable, I want him to keep the lines of communication open. Our kids need to know they can talk about anything without fear of judgment. It’s crucial they understand respect, responsibility, and the importance of their choices. Remind them they can always come to you, no matter what.
2. Don’t Tolerate Bad Behavior
Even if we believe our kids are well-behaved, they can still act out at times. If someone points out their misbehavior, take it seriously. Teach them to acknowledge their mistakes and make amends. This is an important part of growing up.
3. Stay Informed
Jake, I know you’re not one to snoop, but it’s essential for you to be aware of what’s going on in our kids’ lives. Look into their rooms, check their devices, and don’t feel guilty about it. If they are making poor choices, it’s your responsibility to intervene, even if it means being the “bad guy.”
4. Be Mindful After I’m Gone
I understand the need to find companionship again, but please don’t rush into anything. Take your time before you introduce someone new to our kids. When you do meet someone special, ensure she is kind and respectful to them. They deserve nothing less.
5. Let Go of My Belongings
It’s important for you to move forward, and part of that might involve clearing out my things. Please don’t feel obligated to keep everything. If you find items you didn’t know I had—like those cute boots or jewelry—just chuckle and remember they were all on sale.
6. Trust Yourself as a Parent
Don’t doubt your instincts. You’ve been a parent just as long as I have, and you know what’s best for our kids. Even if I took the lead sometimes because of your work commitments, it’s important that you maintain the expectations we set together.
7. Prioritize Your Well-being
Remember to take care of yourself. It’s easy to put your needs last, especially as a single parent, but neglecting your passions will only make things harder for everyone. Keep pursuing the activities that bring you joy—whether it’s sailing, golfing, or simply enjoying a quiet moment.
8. Maintain Friendships
Your friends are a vital support system. Make time for them, and don’t feel guilty about it. They were there for you before me, and their friendship will be crucial in navigating life after I’m gone.
9. Embrace Joy
Don’t let the fun times fade away. Think of all those silly moments we shared—dancing around the house or making messes in the kitchen. Keep the spirit alive and create new traditions with the kids. Life should still be filled with laughter and joy.
As for my farewell, I’d prefer a celebration over a traditional funeral—let’s gather in our backyard for wine and cake, and make sure it’s chocolate.
In summary, these conversations and reminders are not just about preparing for my absence; they’re about cherishing the life we built together. I hope Jake can navigate this journey with strength and heart, remembering the love we shared.
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