Ah, the joys of new motherhood! Just as I’m navigating the chaos of bleeding and sore, leaking breasts, I get a text: “Can I come over to see the baby?” Seriously? We haven’t caught up in ages, but of course, now is the perfect time for that visit! It’s as if people think new moms are just sitting around waiting for visitors. Honestly, which new mother genuinely wants to entertain guests during those overwhelming early days? This notion has baffled me. “Oh, Sarah had her baby! I should drop everything and head over!” After welcoming my fourth child, I was still met with unexpected visits and requests to come meet the little one. Haven’t we learned by now how to support postpartum women?
Let me clarify—there are countless ways to lend a hand after a baby arrives. Most of them involve food delivery: pizza, Thai, groceries—anything to ease the burden. With three older kids, the meals that poured in were a lifesaver. I loved seeing the warm wishes and congratulations light up my phone.
Nevertheless, I grappled with how to handle the influx of requests to visit. Sure, some parents are eager to show off their new arrival, and I understand that some moms might appreciate the help of a visitor for a much-needed nap. I’m all for support that makes a difference—from visitors who are truly wanted. Yet many moms aren’t aware that they don’t have to play the role of gracious host. It took me four childbirths to finally grasp that I wasn’t required to entertain anyone. That old saying, “Now hand over that baby,” as often touted by mother-in-laws and aunts, can sting just as much as those postpartum stitches.
Two pivotal experiences helped me reclaim my time with my newborn: my doula training and a battle with chronic illness. In my doula courses, we learned the importance of allowing mothers and babies to bond without interruptions. I witnessed firsthand how visitors could add stress to new mothers. Those serene moments I saw earlier could quickly turn chaotic when visitors arrived, leaving both mothers and babies feeling overwhelmed. Of course, sometimes it’s necessary to pass the baby to someone else for a brief respite, but many moms do it simply to avoid offending others.
Around the time my third child reached his first birthday, I was diagnosed with postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, which at times left me bedridden. During the better days, I learned to prioritize my health and mental well-being, ultimately leading to a newfound appreciation for saying “no.” I realized that every “yes” to something I didn’t truly want was likely a “no” to something I valued more.
Armed with my newfound self-advocacy skills and a focus on nurturing the bond with my infant, I aimed to cherish every moment of cuddling with my fourth child. Those postpartum days with my partner were essential and precious, and I was determined to protect them.
The postpartum period can be a wild ride. You won’t know what hurdles you might face unless you’ve been there before. Sure, challenges will arise, but so will beautiful moments. Having already witnessed my first three babies transform into kids, I understood the importance of savoring the fleeting moments of babyhood. I cherished every second with baby No. 4 and made sure to protect those sweet memories.
No, I didn’t resort to sarcasm—though I was tempted at times! Instead, I crafted a polite response for any uninvited visitors. Many were dear friends who later expressed their support for my newfound confidence in prioritizing my needs: “Thank you for thinking of us! I’m focusing on resting and what’s best for me and the baby. Right now, visitors feel a bit disruptive. Can we rain check?”
So, do yourself a favor: remove people-pleasing from your postpartum checklist. And if you’re looking for more insights, check out this informative piece on postpartum support from our other blog post. Also, if you’re considering at-home insemination, reputable retailers like Make A Mom offer excellent syringe kits. For in-depth information on fertility treatments, visit UCSF’s IVF Resource.
Summary
In the whirlwind of new motherhood, it’s vital to prioritize self-care and set boundaries against unsolicited visits. Learning to say “no” can free you to cherish precious moments with your newborn. Support after childbirth should focus on what truly helps, allowing moms to bond with their babies without feeling the pressure to entertain.
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