Hey there, I’m a mom, and I have to confess something important: I’m dealing with alcoholism. I might not fit the stereotype — I’m a well-educated, middle-class 36-year-old who attends church regularly. I don’t resemble the classic image of a drunken mess you might see in old Westerns, but I’ve come to understand that I carry the alcoholism gene.
Alcoholism runs in my family. My father was an alcoholic who managed to quit drinking when I was just a baby. I’ve never felt ashamed of his struggle, recognizing it as a genetic issue rather than a moral failing. Sadly, I’ve inherited the same problematic wiring in my brain where the “off” switch for drinking doesn’t function properly.
My relationship with alcohol has always been a rollercoaster. For years, it felt like I was stuck in a toxic relationship that I couldn’t escape. I’d drink excessively, try to take a break, then convince myself I could handle it again, only to find myself back in the same destructive cycle. It was a constant loop of drinking too much, vowing to change, and then falling back into old habits.
I would set strict guidelines for myself, thinking these rules would curb my drinking. “I’ll only drink on weekends.” “I’ll avoid hard liquor.” “I’ll stick to beer.” But these self-imposed limits didn’t address the real problem — my brain’s inability to control alcohol intake. It’s like being allergic to it; I can’t just have a little without wanting more.
Unlike most people who can enjoy a drink and stop, my brain is wired differently. The moment I have a sip, it’s as if my mind screams, “This is fantastic! Let’s keep this party going!” I’ve often found myself in precarious situations, unsure of which version of myself would show up at the bar — the moderate drinker or the one who guzzles an entire bottle.
While I’ve never been dependent on alcohol in a way that disrupted my job or relationships, I understand that alcoholism is a progressive illness. The Big Book of AA reminds us that we can’t play mind games with ourselves about our drinking habits. Just because I haven’t hit rock bottom doesn’t mean I’m exempt from the consequences of alcoholism. It’s a slippery slope, and acknowledging that is key.
Choosing sobriety hasn’t been easy. Alcohol is everywhere — at parties, sports events, and even children’s birthday celebrations. When you decline a drink, people often assume you’re either expecting a baby or looking down on them, which can feel awkward. And let’s be honest, it sometimes makes you want to give in and drink anyway.
In a world that feels overwhelming, I’ve been finding comfort in prayer, meditation, and yes, indulging in carbs — because stress eating has become my new escape. If you’ve faced similar struggles with alcohol, please know this: You are not a failure. You’re not alone.
Today could be the day you admit to yourself that you, too, might have a faulty “off” switch. Take that brave step. And when you do, know that you can join me at the next party. We’ll snack to our hearts’ content and reassure everyone that we’re not expecting. It’s bound to be a fun time!
For more insights, check out one of our other blog posts that dives deeper into similar topics. And if you’re considering home insemination options, visit Make A Mom for reputable syringe kits. Also, March of Dimes offers excellent resources on pregnancy and fertility treatments.
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