Why My Maternity Leave Isn’t A Vacation

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Let’s set the record straight: my maternity leave is far from a vacation. I don’t require extravagant dinners or lavish getaways to feel fulfilled. But equating my maternity leave with a leisurely retreat? That’s a remarkable misunderstanding of what it truly entails.

If you’ve just nurtured a human being inside your body, only for them to emerge and wail for what feels like an eternity, calling those exhausting months of survival a “vacation” is simply absurd. Let me illustrate the reality for you:

1. The Sleep
   Vacation: Waking up gently as the sunlight spills in, sharing lazy morning moments with your partner, and contemplating your indulgent plans for the day.
   NOT a vacation: Being jolted awake every 1 to 3 hours by a tiny creature with the appetite of a piranha. You glance at your reflection and wonder if you might just fade away from sheer exhaustion.
2. The Breasts
   Vacation: Your breasts bask in the sun, feeling light and carefree as you lounge on the beach.
   NOT a vacation: Your breasts feel like they’re undergoing a horror show, with swelling, soreness, and cracks from nursing or pumping. If mastitis joins the party (as it did for me—twice), then you’re in a whole new level of misery.
3. The Drinks
   Vacation: Sipping whatever you fancy, whenever you wish.
   NOT a vacation: Chugging an ocean of water daily, all in the name of nourishing your baby. You’ll soon develop an aversion to water, trust me.
4. The Company
   Vacation: Surrounded by enthusiastic partners or friends ready to share in the joy.
   NOT a vacation: A little one who’s still trying to figure out this whole Earth thing, often wailing for attention.
5. The Scenery
   Vacation: Walking around in awe, thinking, “I can’t believe I’m here!”
   NOT a vacation: More like “I can’t believe I’m here,” while you’re sobbing on the floor of your bedroom, too worn out to even leave the house.
6. The Bodily Functions
   Vacation: You only need to manage your own.
   NOT a vacation: You’re now responsible for a tiny being that operates like an alien lifeform, alongside dealing with your post-baby body that feels like it has a mind of its own.
7. The Emotions
   Vacation: Filled with joy and bliss, perhaps shedding a tear of nostalgia.
   NOT a vacation: More like uncontrollable tears while cleaning the house in a frenzy, leaving your partner bewildered and questioning your mental state.
8. The Self-Image
   Vacation: Who cares? You’re living your best life!
   NOT a vacation: I had a meltdown in a maternity store because, despite having given birth, I felt like a beached whale. I ended up purchasing the priciest nursing shirt and wore it for weeks on end.
9. The Food
   Vacation: Dining on delectable meals, paired with exquisite drinks.
   NOT a vacation: You forget where the kitchen is and become paranoid about eating anything that could upset your baby’s delicate tummy. Every bite feels like a risky gamble.
10. The Intimacy
    Vacation: Yes, please!
    NOT a vacation: If you even think about coming near me, it might be grounds for castration.

Babies are undeniably precious, but let’s be clear—maternity leave is not a vacation. It’s a beautiful chaos filled with sleepless nights and endless challenges. If you’re navigating this journey, you’re not alone. For more insights into pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource at UCSF. And if you’re considering at-home insemination, Make a Mom offers reliable kits to assist you on that path. For further discussions on related topics, feel free to explore this blog post.

In summary, while maternity leave is filled with joy and love, it certainly isn’t a vacation. It’s a challenging and transformative time that deserves recognition for the hard work involved.