Since stepping into the whirlwind of parenthood, I’ve found myself saying some downright ridiculous things. It’s like my brain short-circuits when the chaos escalates. Instead of taking a breather in my “reflection chair” to consider my words carefully, I often let nonsense spill out of my mouth. Here’s a collection of gems that have emerged from my parenting journey:
- “If you don’t get back to bed right now, I’ll put you back to bed.”
A classic example of a statement that makes no sense. It’s why they were out of bed in the first place. Score: Toddler = 1, Parent = 0. - “No cookies for breakfast! Just eat your Lucky Charms.”
As if a marshmallow-laden cereal is somehow healthier than a cookie. I’m really just playing a game of self-sabotage here. - “Bathtubs aren’t for splashing.”
Or for singing, or having fun, or, heaven forbid, getting wet! Honestly, what’s the point of a bath if not for a little splash zone action? - “If you won’t learn, I won’t teach you.”
Because when your toddler is moving three pegs at a time in a game of Trouble, the best educational strategy is to walk away, right? - “I don’t hear anyone sleeping up there.”
Unless they’re practicing for a snoring championship, is it possible to actually hear someone sleep? - “If you don’t buckle up, we’re not moving. We can just sit here all day.”
Sure, let’s just waste the day away in the car. I’ve got places to be and things to do—sitting is not on the agenda. - “If you don’t stop crying, I’ll give you a reason to cry.”
This is a classic parenting blunder. They’re already crying, so how does threatening more tears even make sense? - “It’s just a piece of lettuce. It won’t hurt you.”
Unless it leads to a dramatic chair push back that results in a head-bang on the wall. Then, we might have a problem. - “Keep it up, buddy. Just keep it up.”
What does “keep it up” even mean? I might as well be speaking in riddles at this point. - “You know what?”
At this point, I often lose my train of thought, leaving the sentence hanging. Frustration can really muddle the mind.
My kids are now at an age where they find amusement in my verbal mishaps. Who can blame them? More often than not, I sound like a complete goofball. I can almost hear one of them whispering, “Keep it up, Mommy. Keep it up.”
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Summary:
Parenting often leads to the utterance of silly phrases that leave us shaking our heads. From bedtime negotiations to bizarre food logic, we all have our cringe-worthy moments. Embracing the chaos and laughing along the way is part of the journey.
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