For Valentine’s Day this year, my partner and I decided to enjoy a cozy pizza night at home. As we set up the high chair for our little one and fastened the buckle over his squirming self, we exchanged knowing glances, acknowledging the romance we were opting out of. While many of our friends were dining in upscale restaurants, we prioritized spending quality time as a family.
Bringing our child along for our Valentine’s celebration might raise eyebrows, but for us, it’s simply our normal. In the last year, we’ve ventured out without our son just a couple of times, and honestly, we’re perfectly content with our dateless existence.
Before our child arrived, we were inundated with advice from well-meaning family members, various parenting blogs, and friends who had already traversed parenthood. They insisted that making time for regular date nights should be a top priority after welcoming our son. The consensus was clear: secure a reliable babysitter, carve out some evenings every other week, dress up, and leave the house. We were told to reserve these nights for romance, dine at fancy places, and turn off our phones that buzzed with baby updates, focusing solely on each other.
While the idea of a dedicated date night was appealing, the emphasis placed on it made it seem critical for the survival of our marriage amidst the chaos of parenting. I was all in—Thursdays were designated for our outings, starting when our son was just a month old. I even selected a flattering black dress for our first night out.
However, my son was born in January, and the whirlwind of new parenthood quickly took over. It wasn’t until May that we remembered our date night plans. Although we often spoke about the joy of getting out, my son, who was the size of a 9-month-old, still nursed like a newborn each evening. He would take a bottle during the day, but evenings were reserved for bonding with Mom, leaving little room for dates. We accepted that our planned nights out would need to be postponed. I felt a twinge of disappointment, yet I was relieved to see that our relationship remained intact.
By the fall, my son had begun to nurse less frequently, but we had established a precious bedtime routine filled with books, baths, and snuggles. Our little one would go to sleep beautifully, as long as it was my partner and I who were tucking him in. Committed to gentle parenting, we had decided months earlier that we wouldn’t let him cry it out, so we pushed our date nights further into the future until he was more independent. Despite my desire for more one-on-one time with my partner, I was pleasantly surprised to find our marriage thriving without the traditional date night.
By the time our son celebrated his first birthday, he was nursing only a few times a day and was comfortable going to sleep on his own. He had become an absolute delight—laughing, chatting, and exploring the world around him. My partner and I couldn’t bear the thought of missing out on evenings spent with him. Though I worried that our marriage might suffer without those outings, I checked in with my partner and found that he felt the same: we were perfectly happy.
Now that our son is 2, he continues to be an amazing little person. Both my partner and I are working parents, and after spending the day with a nanny, it feels wrong to miss out on the precious evening moments we have together. I respect those parents who prioritize date nights, and I’m glad it works for them, but I wish more people understood that you don’t need a designated date night to maintain a happy marriage.
We share plenty of quality time as a family. We have dinner together every evening, and afterwards, we often stay up chatting, playing cards, or watching movies in our pajamas. Quality time is still quality time, no matter the setting. We also enjoy fun outings with our son in tow; pushing a stroller doesn’t mean we aren’t connecting as a couple. There are many ways to nurture a marriage, and if you’re like my partner and me—finding joy in family time—you’re likely doing just fine.
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In summary, while date nights can be a lovely tradition for some, they’re not essential for every couple. Embracing family time and finding joy in the everyday moments can be just as fulfilling.
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