As I stepped into the world of motherhood, I thought I was well-equipped. In my late 20s, I was married, had a degree, and had even launched a consulting business that allowed me to work from home with flexibility. My experience with children was extensive—I had babysat, served as a camp counselor, and tutored kids, racking up over 1,000 hours with children by the time I turned 22. My love for kids was a defining aspect of my identity, and I’d even worked with children with disabilities during my teenage years.
However, it quickly became clear that none of that experience truly prepared me for the unique challenges of parenting my son. I found myself wondering how he could be so different from all those other kids I had worked with. Surely, with all my background, I should have been ready for anything.
Now, picture this scenario: Your 8-year-old, who has ADHD and autism, is doing reasonably well overall but is about to head to an after-school activity that he doesn’t want to attend. On the way, the babysitter makes a quick stop to grab a bottle of water. Suddenly, your child erupts, screaming at the top of his lungs and darting around the store while the sitter and two employees chase after him, culminating in a threat of police involvement.
I recall my father advising me to stop reading parenting books and trust my instincts. Well, Dad, I wish you could send me a sign from above because when it comes to situations like these, I could definitely use some divine guidance. I’ve learned to engage in what I call “Not Very Intuitive Parenting.”
Not Very Intuitive Parenting (NVIP)
Not Very Intuitive Parenting (NVIP) demands that I set aside everything I thought I knew about raising kids and leave my instincts at home. How did I handle that chaotic store situation? First, I sent my son to his room for safety. Then, I consulted a child psychologist to determine appropriate consequences. Finally, I crafted a large schedule of his activities on poster board and started exploring social story software—while balancing a full-time job and multiple medical appointments for my child and myself.
With NVIP, I’ve come to realize that my child doesn’t respond to the typical “mom look.” He simply doesn’t interpret negative facial expressions. Even if I’m boiling with frustration, I must find the words to communicate my feelings to him. While it used to be a common belief that bribing children is a no-go, many parents now see incentivizing behaviors as a legitimate strategy, and it’s effective for us. Applied behavior analysis requires tracking behaviors like following instructions and potty training, and while this may not be intuitive, it works for us.
When you see me employing Not Very Intuitive Parenting, I often want to shout, “This isn’t what it appears!” Yes, I might be hugging my child after what looks like a “bratty tantrum,” or you may hear me say “one point” when he misbehaves. What seems like an overreaction to you is actually a response to a significant setback for him.
When my child acts out, I rely on targeted responses developed with expert advice from hours of assessments and therapies. It may not look reasonable to the outside observer, but rest assured, I started with traditional methods, and those instincts didn’t yield results. I’ve found that my instincts have shifted to include insights from knowledgeable specialists whose guidance has been invaluable. I also lean on online communities facing similar challenges and strive to stay updated with the latest research. More often than not, I now base my decisions on this specialized knowledge rather than relying solely on instinct.
If you, too, feel lost in the maze of parenting a child with special needs, know that it’s perfectly normal. It’s not as simple as riding a bicycle; instead, you adapt and discover how to best support your child. And that love you have for your child? That is the most instinctual feeling of all.
For more insights, check out this other blog post on understanding unique parenting challenges here. Also, if you’re looking for reputable options, you can find at-home insemination kits at Make A Mom. For those expecting, March of Dimes provides excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, parenting a child with special needs can feel overwhelming and often defies instinct. Embracing a new parenting approach and seeking expert guidance can lead to positive outcomes. Trust in your love and commitment; they will guide you through.
Leave a Reply