It was the final drop-off of his third full week at preschool, and I could feel his tiny fingers gripping my leg tightly. “Mommy, I just want you,” his voice quivered, tugging at my heartstrings.
As I took slow steps forward, he remained steadfast, clinging to the inseam of my jeans. Despite my attempts to gently pry him off, his soft whine echoed in the hallway. Just then, his teacher approached, crouching down to his level and extending her hand toward him. She turned to me with a warm smile and said, “You know, everything he does is about ‘Mommy.’”
I knelt beside him, pulling him onto my lap, and listened intently as she continued. “Whenever he draws, it’s always ‘Look, it’s Mommy and me.’ In the play car, he says, ‘I’m driving with Mommy.’ Everything he does revolves around you. It’s truly heartwarming.”
I hugged him tightly, feeling tears welling up, and quickly shifted him to a nearby chair to color with his friends before making my stealthy exit to the car. Her words were a balm for my soul.
Life doesn’t always unfold as we envision. Our journey has certainly been filled with unexpected twists and turns, leaving just the two of us—a single mom and her little boy. We lack the luxuries of a grand home or a hefty bank account for spontaneous trips to the zoo or regular dining out. Laughter around the dinner table is often missing, but we have each other. For a long time, I mourned the life we didn’t have.
Yet, even amidst the chaos and challenges—loss, relationship breakdowns, and other hardships—there’s a truth that gradually reveals itself: beauty exists in our reality.
While the plan never included just the two of us, that’s our current situation. There have been tough, exhausting days, where I counted the hours until bedtime, wine glass in hand. Those days will come and go, as they are a part of life. However, as we find our rhythm—just the two of us—I’ve come to realize that these moments are among the sweetest of my life. They are a precious gift that I refuse to overlook.
I relish the privilege of belting out Carrie Underwood songs (his favorite) at the top of my lungs in the car, his head bobbing along in his car seat, trying to catch the melody. I cherish those early mornings and late nights snuggled up in pajamas, reading books, sharing toaster waffles and strawberries, and enjoying the simple pleasures of life.
I’m the one who comforts him during those 2 a.m. wake-ups, sharing a twin bed while he drifts back to sleep, his small frame relaxed in my presence. I get to tame his messy morning hair, crash toy cars on our worn teal carpet, and hold his hand while he draws pictures of us together.
Every day grants me the opportunity to be more for him, and in turn, he is my everything. This life may not have been what I envisioned, but it’s shaping into a new kind of beautiful—one that has been a little bruised but is ultimately perfect in its own way. It’s the kind of perfect that includes toaster waffles, microwave meals, and dancing together on Saturday mornings to his favorite tunes. It’s a beautiful mess, much like his beloved, well-worn stuffed animal.
Sometimes, life doesn’t follow the script we wrote, and I’m learning to embrace that. We will create our own version of beauty, despite the imperfections.
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Summary:
In embracing life as a single mom, the author shares the profound beauty found in everyday moments with her son. Despite challenges and unfulfilled expectations, she highlights the joy in their bond, appreciating the small, sweet experiences that create a uniquely perfect life together.
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