As the clock strikes midnight and the house is enveloped in a blanket of silence, I find myself wide awake while everyone else is sound asleep. If I can just drift off again, maybe I can salvage what little sleep I can get tonight.
How does my partner, Danny, manage to sleep so soundly? I envy that ability. Why does being a mom seem to come hand-in-hand with sleepless nights? He looks so serene, and dare I say, a little attractive. Perhaps if I snuggle up next to him, he’ll wake up. We really ought to plan a date night soon. It feels like ages since we last enjoyed one together.
What movie are we even talking about? The one everyone’s buzzing about lately. What’s its title again? It’s the one with… oh, what’s her name? The actress married to that guy from Deadpool. You know, the one who had that iconic role on Gossip Girl? Good grief, her name is escaping me!
I could wake up Danny to ask him, but then I’d also need to check in with my friend Lisa who moved away last year. I should reach out to her. A girls’ getaway sounds heavenly, but let’s be honest—finding the time to even catch up with Lisa on the phone feels impossible. I haven’t heard from her in days; I hope she’s not upset with me. Why would she be mad?
Breathe. She’s likely just busy. Or, what if something terrible has happened? What if she’s in the hospital? I’m such a terrible friend for not staying in touch. I should text her now.
And that actress! Why can’t I remember her name? I used to be in the know about all the latest celebrity gossip. I could tell you which couples were on the verge of breaking up and which movies were worth seeing. Now, I struggle to recall the names of actors and couldn’t even make it to the theater before films hit DVD. How did I fall so far off the radar?
Maybe I should go back to my old hair color or try something new. Embrace the grey, right? Who says we have to conform to society’s beauty standards? Julia Roberts did that thing with her armpits… okay, maybe that’s a bit too extreme for me. But I could use a little pampering; a quick color touch-up wouldn’t hurt.
Oh, the dog is snuggled up against me, but what is that smell? Did he just fart, or did he have an unfortunate accident? Ugh, the pup is a cozy little heater, but my leg is cramping. I need to stretch more. Everyone swears by yoga; who knows, maybe it would help with my insomnia. If Danny can do yoga and fall asleep peacefully, maybe I should give it a try.
A noise interrupts my thoughts. Is one of the kids coughing? Fantastic. He’ll probably wake up with a fever, and I have so much work to tackle tomorrow. I can’t afford to take a sick day! Speaking of which, my throat feels a little scratchy too. Am I getting sick? Was it too late to get the flu shot?
I need to stock up on oranges and vitamin C. We should eat more veggies. When did we last have a nutritious dinner? Last night was pizza, again. Wait, there was lettuce on the subs the night before—does that count?
An hour has passed, and I’m still awake, still clueless about that actress’ name. I think she just had a baby. I bet she’s wearing her skinny jeans again. She probably does yoga too.
Okay, time to try and relax. Deep breaths. Inhale for seven, hold for seven, exhale for seven. Inhale… one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Who can hold their breath for that long? This is impossible!
Perhaps I should start meditating. Imagine the serene expression I could wear while my kids bicker. They’d probably ask why I look so strange. I could just smile and say, “I’m meditating.”
Breathe in, breathe out. Maybe I could even use this for that pesky client who’s constantly demanding updates. She’ll probably end up complaining to my boss, and then I’ll be out of a job, and we’ll lose the house and have to move in with my parents. Oh no, I don’t want to think about that.
But, maybe living with them wouldn’t be so bad. The kids could spend more time with their grandparents. I should call my dad… and my mom. I really don’t connect with them enough. I need to tell them I love them more.
Blake Lively! That’s the actress’ name! I wonder if she keeps in touch with her family. Anyway, I just had an epiphany about that project. It’s brilliant! My client will adore it. My boss will be thrilled.
If only I could catch a little sleep before the day begins. The alarm will ring in 30 minutes. Should I just get up now?
Twenty-seven minutes later…
“Mom! Time to wake up! You’re such a sleepyhead!”
Sigh. How many hours until I can sleep again? And what was that brilliant idea I had in the middle of the night? Something about Blake Lively?
In conclusion, motherhood is a whirlwind of thoughts and worries, especially in the stillness of the night. If you find yourself up late, know you’re not alone in your midnight musings. And if you’re looking for ways to enhance your journey to motherhood, check out this helpful resource on intracervical insemination or explore reputable options for at-home insemination kits at Make A Mom. For comprehensive information on pregnancy and home insemination, don’t miss UCSF’s Center.
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