In the latest chapter of “everything we do might ruin our children,” a recent article in The Atlantic takes a hard look at sticker charts and their role in contemporary parenting. Did you think they were just a playful way to reward good behavior? Think again. According to this parenting advice, sticker charts may be more harmful than helpful.
Described as “powerful psychological tools,” sticker charts could potentially damage your relationship with your child and affect their interactions with others as they grow. The core issue? When children receive rewards for their actions, they may begin to expect rewards for everything they do. It’s a slippery slope, according to the article.
Erica Thompson, a clinical psychologist, notes that many advocates of sticker charts gloss over their drawbacks, leaving parents blindsided when things don’t go as planned. She recounts a story of a mother who initially praised her sticker chart system. When she asked her 8-year-old son to assist with cleaning a spill, his response was, “What will you give me?”
And? This is where parents could step in and remind him of his responsibilities at home. “Dinner,” “a roof over your head,” or the classic “Go help your brother right now,” could do the trick.
Another example from Thompson’s parenting class highlights the confusion many parents face. A couple encouraged their daughter to earn points towards a new phone by helping with the dishes, but she simply declined their offer. “Now what?” they asked. Seriously? The answer is clear: remind her that chores are part of family life, and she can’t just opt out.
Let’s be real. Parenting isn’t a walk in the park. I’m navigating the challenges of raising a 2-year-old and a 5-year-old myself, and they’re constantly testing boundaries. However, I believe that parenting doesn’t have to be a complicated puzzle we need to solve to create the “perfect” child. Perhaps it’s not about molding children into flawless beings—maybe it’s about teaching them how to face reality.
Thompson observes that many parents who initially introduced a reward system, aiming to simplify family routines, ended up creating a “reward economy.” In this setup, children learn to expect something in return for good behavior. Research suggests that offering tangible rewards can actually diminish children’s intrinsic motivation to help others.
Isn’t that how the adult world works? We all strive for rewards in our careers; perform well, and you might get a raise. So, what’s wrong with preparing our kids for that reality? More importantly, why can’t we do something that makes our lives as parents easier? The notion that every little decision we make could somehow damage our children is frankly absurd.
Here’s a thought: many of our parents didn’t overanalyze their parenting strategies. I grew up in the ’70s, a time when parental behavior wasn’t scrutinized. While some may feel that this approach led to neglect, it seems we’ve swung too far in the opposite direction, convincing ourselves that simple actions—like buying stickers—could harm our kids. We’re overthinking every little choice in an effort to be the best parents we can be.
If you’re reading parenting articles, you’re already ahead of the game, putting more thought into this than previous generations ever did. So go ahead, buy those stickers, and take a breather. Let’s stop fretting over the minutiae of parenting advice.
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Summary:
Sticker charts, often viewed as helpful parenting tools, may actually foster a dependency on rewards, complicating children’s relationships and expectations. Parenting doesn’t have to be overly complicated; sometimes, simple guidance is all that’s needed. Let’s embrace practical parenting solutions without overanalyzing every decision.
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