Parenting
By Life as a Wandering Parent
Updated: April 22, 2021
Originally Published: Feb. 14, 2016
Ah, bedtime—the moment parents look forward to as a gateway to a few blissful hours of freedom after the little ones drift off to dreamland. But let’s be honest: the entire “bedtime routine” can feel like a high-intensity workout. Who needs a gym membership when you have a toddler with a demanding nightly ritual? If you’re yet to experience this chaotic yet endearing phase or simply want to swap stories about your own toddler, this guide on the “Five Stages of a Toddler’s Bedtime Routine” is for you.
Disclaimer: Every child’s experience may differ.
Phase 1: Dinnertime
In our household, dinnertime sets the stage for the evening chaos. It’s as if everyone under three suddenly decides that the world is against them, leading to a symphony of tears (and let’s be real, sometimes even those over 30 feel the same). During this phase, your mission is to navigate the meal with as much poise as possible. You might find yourself negotiating with a pint-sized dictator to eat the dinner you painstakingly prepared.
Picture yourself as a rookie lawyer, pleading for the consumption of two pieces of lukewarm chicken and a taste of a green bean. Just a lick will do! Remember to stay strong: a toddler won’t starve themselves—at least that’s what I keep telling myself.
Phase 2: Bath Time
My toddler has a love-hate relationship with bath time. He’ll protest loudly all the way to the bathroom, but the moment he’s in the tub, he’s having the time of his life! Until it’s time to wash his hair. Cue the dramatic reversal where I’m suddenly public enemy number one. Once the banana bits and other mystery substances are scrubbed away, it’s back to love and giggles.
However, extracting a slippery toddler from the bath is a task worthy of a wrestling championship. Once you finally manage to get him out, prepare for more theatrics as he protests getting dried off. Applying lotion to a disgruntled toddler is nothing like those serene commercials—trust me on that.
Phase 3: ‘Milk & Mickey’ Calm Time
This is when my toddler enjoys a glass of milk while watching his favorite show, “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.” It’s supposed to help him wind down, though turning off the TV can feel like starting a new battle. I suggest finding a calming activity that works for your little one and incorporating that into your nightly schedule.
Phase 4: Toothbrushing Time
Ah, the dreaded tooth brushing phase! Expect resistance as your little one may clamp their mouth shut, play with the light switch, or even smear toothpaste on the mirror. And let’s not forget the classic “I can do it myself!” outburst after you’ve managed to brush what feels like 95% of their teeth.
When you try to reclaim the toothbrush, prepare for a meltdown. It’s a minty, sticky cycle that’s best delegated to your partner if possible. That’s my strategy!
Phase 5: Story Time
This phase is best captured through a typical conversation:
Toddler: “Books! Books!”
Parent: “Okay, two books.”
Toddler: “No, five books!”
Parent: “No, two.”
Toddler: “FIVE!”
Parent: “How about three? They’re short.”
Toddler: “Dees books!” (points to the same ones we’ve read for a week)
The back and forth continues until finally, you settle for a compromise. As you wrap up, prepare for the inevitable somersaults in bed and the symphony of sounds that follow.
When you finally manage to say a prayer, expect your toddler to chime in with the alphabet at lightning speed, making the whole process even more delightful and chaotic. As you sneak out, they might say something sweet like, “I love you, Mommy,” melting your heart and making you reconsider leaving the room. Just remember, if you choose to linger, you might have to start the whole routine all over again.
Good luck, fellow parents! Remember, you’re not alone; my weary soul is right there with you from 7 to 9 p.m. Oh look, it’s almost bedtime! Thank goodness.
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Summary:
Navigating a toddler’s bedtime routine involves five chaotic phases—from dinnertime negotiations to the challenges of story time. Each stage presents its own unique hurdles, but it’s all part of the parenting journey. Embrace the madness, and remember, you’re not alone in this delightful chaos!
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