My youngest child’s favorite spot is undeniably my belly. To him, it’s a sanctuary, a place of solace. Whenever he feels hurt or overwhelmed, I gather him into my arms, and he instinctively nestles against my chest and belly. He gently places his tiny hand on my soft skin and exclaims, “I rub your belly,” his eyes sparkling with joy.
During those moments when he simply craves some quality time with me, his hands often find their way under my shirt, resting on my stomach. He enjoys exploring it, playing with it, diving into it, and even jumping on it. As long as he can connect with it in some way, he is content. Just the other day, he sat on my lap and declared, “Your belly is my home.” (Trust me, my heart melted right then and there.)
It’s true; my belly was home to all three of my boys, and in many ways, it continues to be a source of comfort for them.
Ironically, the very aspects of my belly that my sons adore are the ones I often find myself struggling with. The softness, the rolls that appear when I sit, the stretch marks, and the way my skin can bunch up—these are the things society would deem “flaws.” And, I’ll admit, there are days when I align with that societal perspective.
I work out nearly every day and prioritize my health. Yet, no amount of abdominal exercises can erase the loose skin that came from carrying three children (two of whom were twins). There are elements of my body that are simply unchangeable, and I sometimes find them hard to accept.
However, every single day, my boys affirm my beauty. To them, I am flawless. My sagging belly is their refuge, and my imperfect physique is their source of tranquility. They don’t see my cellulite or the folds of skin that appear when I sit; they are oblivious to the “imperfections” that preoccupy my mind. To them, I am simply their mother.
It can be challenging to embrace the beauty our children see in us, especially when we’re bombarded by society’s unrealistic standards of beauty. It’s tough to remember that our worth is not dictated by our appearance, but rather by the love and kindness we hold in our hearts. Yet, I am resolute in believing my sons’ words over those of the world, including my own self-doubt.
We need to start embracing the truth—the same truths we lovingly share with our children, but often fail to apply to ourselves. Would we ever utter the hurtful things we say about ourselves to our kids? How devastated would we be if we overheard our children speaking negatively about their own bodies the way we do?
Unfortunately, that’s exactly what happens when we neglect to be mindful. Our children are observant; they absorb our attitudes and beliefs about beauty and self-worth. When they hear us criticizing ourselves or witness us touching our beloved bellies with disdain, we inadvertently convey unhealthy messages about beauty and self-acceptance.
They see a woman they adore labeling herself as “ugly” or “fat,” and they begin to wonder, “If my mom believes that, what must she think of me?” This creates a disconnect where they hold one perception of their mother’s beauty but receive conflicting messages from her self-talk. Daughters may mimic these negative behaviors, while sons may adopt distorted views of women.
Beauty standards are often learned at home. If we heard our children speak negatively about their bodies as we do, it would shatter our hearts. We would rush to defend them, negating any negative commentary with all the beautiful truths we see in them. We would do everything in our power to ensure they never harbor such thoughts again, not out of folly, but because we recognize their worth, imperfections and all—the same way they see us.
Let’s stop arguing with our children’s perception of our beauty. We shouldn’t dismiss the notion that they find us perfect just as we are. Instead, let’s embrace the truths we convey to our kids. Let’s celebrate our soft spots and extra rolls as the nurturing homes they are for our most cherished people. Let’s appreciate our bodies for their life-giving capabilities and release the external pressures of what “ideal” should look like.
In the eyes of our children, we are already perfect. They understand honesty and truth until the world teaches them otherwise. They don’t assign value to body parts until we instill that belief in them. So, let’s choose love—for ourselves, just as we love our children and as they love us unconditionally.
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Summary
Embracing our bodies as mothers can be a challenge, particularly in a world that often promotes unrealistic beauty standards. Our children see us as perfect, and it’s vital for us to reflect that belief within ourselves. By changing the narrative of self-criticism and fostering a positive self-image, we not only empower ourselves but also set a healthy example for the next generation.
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