By: Sarah Thompson
Dinner time at our house looks a bit like this: A nutritious vegetable lasagna is baking away, but my kids are already feeling the pangs of hunger at just 3:30 p.m. (Yes, I did offer them snacks just an hour prior to stave off the inevitable). My eldest, Luke, is sprawled out at the table, lost in a comic book, while asking for pasta, bread—anything made of white flour. Meanwhile, my younger one, Max, is fixated on Goldfish crackers and Pirate’s Booty, any salty snack really. Unable to endure another round of complaints, I yield and give Luke a small bowl of plain, leftover spaghetti, while Max receives his own little portion of Goldfish.
As I chop up red peppers for a salad, Max’s eyes light up at the sight and he demands a bowl of it immediately. Not one to deny a budding vegetable lover, I hand over half the pepper. His dining experience takes place on the floor, reminiscent of feeding a puppy, as he tugs at my sleeve and pants eagerly at my feet.
As 4 p.m. rolls around—our designated “dinnertime”—my husband, Tom, comes home, clearly hungry. The lasagna is finally ready, but unsurprisingly, Luke has no interest. He does, however, want a smoothie made from banana, peanut butter, almond milk, and frozen spinach. I whip it up for him, because why not indulge a vegetable lover?
Now that it’s officially dinner time, neither child seems particularly hungry. I plate up a serving of lasagna for Tom and start tidying up. Of course, Max spots the lasagna and wants some, but only from Tom’s plate. In the meantime, Luke calls out from the den for more pasta and another smoothie refill. The only silver lining? His polite “please” and “thank you, Mom!”
Throughout this chaotic hour, no family member has managed to eat together at the same time. I’ve prepared four different meals for the kids, and an hour later, I find myself retreating to the den to eat my reheated plate of lasagna.
Sounds a bit chaotic, doesn’t it? Stressful, unruly, and far from the ideal family dining experience. Before becoming a parent, I envisioned cozy family dinners filled with laughter, shared blessings, and time to connect—structured moments that felt fulfilling. But the reality? It rarely unfolds this way. Perhaps one day, when the kids are older, we’ll have more traditional dinners together, but for now, this is life.
And you know what? I’m okay with it. Here’s why: While I want my kids to understand the value of structure, I also want them to be in tune with their hunger cues. Sure, eating schedules can help keep our days running smoothly, but with rising obesity rates, I’d rather my kids learn to listen to their bodies regarding food. Though I encourage more structured meal times, I’ll never tell them to ignore their hunger or to eat when they’re full. Kids naturally require smaller, more frequent meals than adults, after all.
I also empathize with their food preferences—I’ve always been a picky eater too! Why should I expect them to enjoy foods that don’t appeal to them? As long as they’re receiving the nutrition they need throughout the day, I’m content. If they manage to include greens a few times a week, I’m happy. They may not be interested in protein at dinner but can devour ten chicken nuggets or a huge bowl of nuts later on. I try to evaluate their overall nutrition across the entire day or even week.
Of course, it can be overwhelming for me, as the meal planner and preparer, to navigate such a flexible meal schedule. I used to vent about it constantly and still do. However, I’ve come to realize that I was holding our family meals up to an unrealistic standard of what they should look like. Kids are kids, and while they’re small, life can be a whirlwind—especially during mealtimes.
I’ve yet to meet a family that enjoys perfectly structured mealtimes, where children sit still and eat balanced meals without any fuss. My approach may not be the most organized, but it’s also true that, like many aspects of parenting, feeding kids is rarely uncomplicated.
As my children grow, there are increasingly more moments where I can place a few dishes on the table, have everyone seated, and actually enjoy a meal together. My husband and I often share incredulous smiles during these rare occasions. I realize that as the years pass, these moments will become more frequent.
Yet, I can’t help but feel nostalgic for those chaotic evenings where I was juggling five different meals at five different times. I’ll miss the sight of their little hands shoveling spaghetti, their requests for one more bowl of “yo-yurt,” and their delightful, messy, and energetic selves. Honestly, I already miss it.
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Summary
Family dinners can often feel chaotic and disorganized, but as parents, it’s crucial to recognize that every family is unique. While structured mealtimes might seem ideal, listening to children’s hunger cues and allowing flexibility in their eating habits can lead to healthier relationships with food. Embracing the messiness of parenting and creating an environment where kids feel free to express their preferences can make all the difference.
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