As a stay-at-home mom (SAHM), I fit the mold of what many would consider a typical figure in this role. I have two young boys—ages 4 and 1—don’t work outside the home, and manage the myriad household tasks that come with adult life. I bake delicious cupcakes and cherish my time with my kids. I genuinely enjoy maintaining a clean and nurturing home, and I even look forward to grocery shopping. However, I am also a feminist, fully aware of the messages my boys absorb when they see their father heading off to work while I stay behind to do crafts and read stories.
So, how do I instill values of equality and challenge gender stereotypes in my sons when the daily scene may suggest otherwise?
1. Engage the Boys in Housework
My days are filled with chores, errands, and repetitive tasks. Luckily, my kids can pitch in! I believe it’s essential to assign them simple jobs around the house. Whether I’m folding laundry or washing dishes, I invite my oldest son to join me. Sometimes he resists or makes the task more challenging, but I persist. I also encourage them to assist their father with his household responsibilities, like cooking and vacuuming.
2. Mind My Words
Whenever I feel tempted to ask my husband to “watch the kids while I go out” or express frustration about chores, I remember that my son hears everything. It’s easy to overlook the impact of my words. Therefore, I strive to acknowledge my husband as the active caregiver he is and refrain from framing housework and childcare as burdens that I must bear.
3. Introduce Feminism
With a background in education as a former elementary teacher, I find value in discussing complex topics directly. We delve into age-appropriate conversations about inequality and stereotypes, aiming to equip my children with the tools to question societal norms rather than simply accept them. This exploration of human rights is not just enlightening but also necessary for their development.
4. Incorporate Stories
Storytelling is a powerful tool for children, and I strive to weave important lessons into our narratives. I create stories featuring a diverse array of characters—stay-at-home dads, female construction workers, and brave princesses who fight dragons. By crafting these tales, I can introduce my kids to a wider perspective on gender roles.
5. Challenge Generalizations
My oldest is at a stage where he enjoys creating “rules” about the world, such as “Mommy does this, so all girls do this.” When he makes sweeping statements, I quickly counter them with examples that broaden his view. For instance, when he asks, “Do only dads know how to code?” I respond with “No, many women code too,” offering specific examples to challenge his assumptions.
6. Build a Supportive Community
It’s important to enlist the support of other adults and mentors, whether they’re older siblings or friends. Engaging in open conversations about gender stereotypes and equality not only benefits the kids but also enriches the adults involved.
While there are no guarantees in parenting, I strive to do my best in raising boys who won’t judge others—or themselves—based on gender roles. By fostering an environment of equality and understanding, I hope to influence their perspectives positively. For more insights on fostering feminist values in children, you can check out this other blog post.
In conclusion, being a SAHM doesn’t mean I can’t raise feminist-minded children. It’s about actively engaging them in household tasks, minding my language, teaching them about equality, weaving lessons into stories, questioning stereotypes, and encouraging a community dialogue. By doing so, I aim to cultivate a mindset in my boys that values equality above all.
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