By: Chris Thompson
Updated: Feb. 3, 2023
I aspire to be the kind of dad you see in family sitcoms—the fun-loving, laid-back guy who serves as a positive influence for his adorable kids. However, I must admit, I’m still finding my footing in this role. If I were to rate myself, I’d say I’m a solid 5 out of 10. My partner might argue otherwise, claiming I’m a fantastic dad and that our son is fortunate to have me, but let’s be real: kind people often exaggerate. The truth is, I’m still figuring things out.
Before parenthood, I was blissfully happy—and yes, that may sound harsh, but it’s not meant to be. I still find joy in life, but it’s evolved into something different. Back in my carefree days, I could do whatever I wanted without a thought. I relished the luxury of sleeping in and believed my life would remain unchanged. Invitations were easy to accept, and I could enjoy spontaneous escapades without a second thought. Now, I find myself longing for those days as I navigate the unpredictable waters of fatherhood.
I’ve come to understand that parenting is a one-of-a-kind journey, impossible to fully capture in any parenting guide. I recall reading What to Expect When You’re Expecting during a work trip and feeling utterly prepared for the challenges ahead. How wrong I was.
The first indication of chaos arrived during labor. My partner was enduring the intense process of childbirth while the midwife insisted on including me in the experience, regardless of my comfort level. Witnessing the birth of my son was a bizarre mix of awe and horror—far from the glorified scenes depicted on television. For starters, babies emerge covered in all sorts of substances (something the media conveniently omits), and they don’t even bother to clean them off first. It’s a bit of a shock.
After a couple of days in the hospital surrounded by professionals, suddenly, the expectation was for us to take this little miracle home and raise him. My partner seemed to adapt instantly—infuriatingly so. I stumbled through the early days, struggling to properly fasten onesies, dealing with diaper mishaps, and walking around in a sleep-deprived haze. Remember those TV shows where new parents seamlessly incorporated their baby into their lives without a hitch? Yeah, that’s a fantasy.
The first night our son slept through without waking was a moment of triumph. After months of disrupted sleep, it felt like a gift. Yet, instead of celebrating, I lay awake, consumed by anxiety. What if something happened to him? I hesitated to check on him because the thought of finding him unresponsive was unbearable. So, I opted to lie awake and worry instead—I had become quite skilled at it.
My struggles extend beyond mere anxiety; I grapple with the significant shift in my lifestyle. I genuinely strive to be the best dad I can be, but I often feel like I’m making mistakes. It’s tough to let go of the parts of my life that were centered around my own desires. With a child, everything changes; your priorities now revolve around someone completely dependent on you. For someone with a self-centered disposition, this transition can be quite frustrating. While I know it’s supposed to be rewarding, there are days when I just want to rewind to my previous life.
Adding to the challenge is the limited support for fathers. I envision a picturesque scene of new dads pushing strollers through the park, bonding over the ups and downs of parenting. Unfortunately, that’s more of a movie trope than reality. The focus on childcare often still falls heavily on mothers. Despite my partner and I aiming for a modern approach, we’ve unintentionally slipped into traditional roles, with her spending most of the time with our son.
I genuinely want to spend more time with my child, yet the thought overwhelms me. He makes me anxious and pushes me to confront responsibilities I wasn’t prepared for. But then he does something adorable—like smiles at me or asks if I’m okay. Those moments melt my heart and remind me of the joys of fatherhood. In those instances, the sacrifices I’ve made feel insignificant. I no longer fret about sleeping in or money flying out the door. Instead, I find joy in dancing around the living room, watching his little face light up with happiness.
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In summary, becoming a father has been a wild ride filled with ups and downs. While I might not be the perfect dad just yet, I’m learning and growing alongside my son. Each day brings new challenges, but the rewards of fatherhood are undeniably worth it.
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