Warm water? Check. Shaving cream? Check. Razor? Check. A playlist of ’90s hip-hop? Check.
I’m all set. As I stride confidently toward the bathroom, I have one mission: achieving legs as smooth as a celebrity’s in a high-fashion magazine. My partner raises an eyebrow from the living room, clearly perplexed. I wink and lock the door. Time for some self-care.
I’m about to shave my legs, and it could mean a multitude of things.
1. Awareness Has Hit
It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve really paid attention to my legs. This morning, however, everything changed when I stepped outside to enjoy the gorgeous weather. That gentle breeze I was loving suddenly transformed into a mini wind tunnel, highlighting my quarter-inch long leg hair like it was a scene from a shampoo commercial.
2. Honestly, I Don’t Care
Let’s cut to the chase: my unshaven legs don’t bother me at all. I’ve tried to care, but I haven’t succeeded. The real reason I’m about to shave my legs? It’s a perfect excuse to close the bathroom door, sneak in the last of the merlot, and jam out to my ’90s hip-hop. Who’s judging?
3. Increasing Attractiveness Factor
I’m not claiming to be on fire with desire right now, but let’s just say that if you had a 1 in 10 chance of getting lucky in the coming days, those odds just jumped to 4 in 10. I’m practically a mathematician when it comes to the statistics of attraction—don’t you remember high school math?
4. Missing My Favorite Pants
My go-to leggings are getting a bit worn out. I’d prefer not to showcase my “porcupine” legs if I can avoid it, and there’s no way I’m giving up my favorite bottoms. Let’s be real; my leg hair is so long it’s not even attempting to peek out from beneath my clothing—it’s just lying flat like my enthusiasm for house chores.
5. All About the Comfort
Ultimately, everything I do revolves around one goal: achieving the ultimate sleep experience. I splurged for months to get that luxurious comforter. I even made a questionable trade in a parking lot for a plush rug. After extensive research, I found the perfect pillow for my nightly rest. And believe me, the sole reason for shaving my legs today is to relish the sensation of my legs gliding against those organic bamboo cotton luxury sheets. What does that even mean? Who knows! All I know is they feel like a dance party with a Hollywood heartthrob on my legs while I indulge in a decadent dessert no one’s ever tasted—seriously, not even Kimye.
So, here I am, preparing to shave my legs. It might mean anything.
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