Parenting
When the ultrasound technician announced that my first child would be a girl, I felt a wave of emotions wash over me—not the joy I expected, but a surge of apprehension. Years of college courses on feminism and gender studies echoed in my mind, and I was left grappling with daunting thoughts of sexism, inequality, and societal pressures.
Fast forward a decade, and I am the mother of three girls. The worries I felt then have never really faded. Despite diligently researching how to nurture my daughters in a world so fraught with gender biases, I’ve compiled a list of things I shouldn’t do as a mother. Perhaps you’ll have more success following this than I ever did.
- Don’t Abandon Your Career
For a decade, I devoted myself to being a stay-at-home mom. While it was a fulfilling role, I often worried about being a poor role model for my daughters. Studies have shown that daughters of working mothers earn 23% more than those with stay-at-home moms. So, I made a change. Now I work from home while my children are at school, converting a nursery into an office. But sometimes, I wonder if my kids even notice my efforts. Just the other day, my eldest said, “Isn’t Charlotte’s mom a stay-at-home mom like you?” I had to remind her that I work now, but I could see the confusion on her face. - Avoid Complimenting Her Looks
After reading an article by a well-known commentator, I stopped telling my girls they were pretty. The article highlighted how innocent compliments could lead girls to prioritize looks over achievements. Growing up in a beauty-obsessed culture, I understood how toxic this can be. Yet, is it so wrong to acknowledge their beauty? - Don’t Let Her See Your Insecurities
Dove’s impactful “Legacy” ad opened my eyes to the importance of speaking positively about our bodies. I realized that my daughters pick up on our self-criticism. So now, when my daughter questions my body, I jokingly refer to my “Belt of Motherhood.” It’s a humorous way to change the narrative, even if it means bending the truth. - Challenge the “Bossy” Label
Just when I thought I had a handle on my parenting approach, I was reminded of the “Ban Bossy” campaign. Instead of calling my daughter bossy when she demands her granola just so, I’ve learned to set boundaries without stifling her assertiveness. - Embrace Your Humanity
My own mother’s obsession with appearances taught me the importance of authenticity. By showing my daughters that it’s okay to be flawed, to be both strong and vulnerable, I hope to instill a sense of balance in them. After all, they need to understand that being a woman encompasses more than just being pretty or polished.
So, let’s ease up on ourselves a little. It’s acceptable to tell your daughter she’s beautiful or to openly discuss your struggles with body image. Life is messy, and sharing that truth can foster deeper connections. Just steer clear of certain aisles—like the Bratz aisle—where unrealistic ideals lurk.
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In conclusion, raising daughters in today’s world is a complex journey, but by breaking the mold and redefining expectations, we can empower them to thrive.
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