I need to share something that’s been on my mind lately. And it’s a rather significant something.
Wouldn’t it be refreshing to exist in a society where men aren’t elevated for merely “contributing” to the care of their children? Imagine a world where fathers caring for their kids isn’t seen as something out of the ordinary but rather as a standard practice.
I understand that we’re still navigating the complexities of gender equality. Our fight for women’s rights in the workplace continues, as many women choose careers beyond the traditional roles of motherhood and homemaking. We’re still working through these changes. Historically, men were cast as the providers while women took on caregiving roles, which led to the perception that men didn’t participate in child-rearing. While this is evolving, I believe we should be further along by now.
My partner and I are happily married. However, during the typical workday—from 6 a.m. to 5:30 p.m.—we manage our parenting responsibilities as if we were single parents. Of course, we spend quality family time together on weekends and evenings, but on weekdays, it’s one parent handling six kids. I start the day by making breakfast, preparing lunches, ensuring the kids brush their teeth and dress appropriately, walking them to school, and then returning home with the younger ones. I manage the twins, entertain the baby, and read stories, all while putting the little ones down for naps.
At 12:30, my partner takes over while the kids are napping. He engages them in play, invites their friends over, and suddenly our house is bustling with 12 or 13 kids (my anxiety levels just skyrocketed). He helps with homework, knows where the kids’ school papers belong, signs reading logs, and ensures lunches are cleaned and ready for the next day. He feeds the baby, changes diapers, and makes sure the toys are picked up before dinner, all while preparing the evening meal.
While I truly value everything he does, I don’t see it as extraordinary. It’s simply parenting.
People often express surprise at our arrangement. “You’re lucky to have a partner who helps like that,” they say. But let’s be clear: I didn’t make the decision to have six kids alone. He’s just as responsible, so of course, he’s going to contribute to the parenting workload so I can pursue my career.
What my partner understands—this is where he stands out, as it seems few do—is that I am a better mother when I have the opportunity to work. Not everyone feels this way, and that’s perfectly fine. But for me, it’s true, and he’s supportive of my ambitions.
When he’s watching the kids so I can retreat to my workspace and write essays that may or may not change lives, that’s not babysitting. When I go out once a month with my book club friends to discuss a book for a few minutes and then catch up on life for hours, that’s not babysitting. When he decides to cook a meal or tackle some disorganized paperwork or takes care of the baby while I steal a few extra minutes of sleep, he’s not merely “helping.” He’s engaging in parenting.
Friends, babysitters, and full-time nannies assist. Dads parent.
I’m glad we could clarify that.
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In summary, let’s strive for a world where parenting is recognized as a shared responsibility, not a favor.
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