As a parent, I find myself navigating the often surprising reactions of others towards my children’s falls and stumbles, particularly with my daughter. While my son was encouraged to “shake it off” when he was little, the response to my daughter’s tumbles is quite different. People seem shocked when I don’t rush to her aid immediately; instead, they feel compelled to coddle her.
My daughter started walking at just 9 months and has shown remarkable agility since then. Just the other day, she climbed a small rock wall at the park with ease. She’s a whirlwind of energy, which means she falls—often. Despite my best efforts to prevent dangerous situations, she stumbles over her brother’s toys or trips while running too fast.
I am always nearby, ready to help when necessary, but I consciously refrain from picking her up every time she falls. If she seems unhurt, I encourage her with a simple, “You’re okay! Get up!” And she does. She brushes herself off and keeps going. While she might have the occasional bruise or scrape, if I don’t overreact, she rarely does either. However, I can’t ignore the reactions from those around me.
At a recent neighborhood block party, someone remarked, “You’re making me nervous!” because I didn’t rush to her after every fall. In our front yard, a well-meaning neighbor scooped her up before she landed in the grass. At my parents’ home, I heard, “Quick! Grab her!” when she stumbled over a toy. A stranger at the park even caught her before she could roll down a small incline. These reactions have been frequent, especially in the past few days.
Despite this, I am committed to letting her learn how to pick herself up. Though she may not fully grasp these lessons yet, I want her to understand several important truths as she grows:
- Bravery Knows No Gender
I grew up with an older brother who was often seen as the protector. I want my daughter to realize she is just as brave and capable as him. She may be small, but her courage is immense. - Life Isn’t Always Fair
It pains me to accept that my daughter will face physical and emotional challenges. It’s my role to teach her that resilience is crucial. Falling is part of life, but getting back up is what truly matters. - Independence is Key
As much as I want to be there for her, I know she will eventually venture out on her own. Whether it’s preschool or college, I want her to learn to be independent, starting with small steps today. - Success Follows Failure
Experiencing setbacks is a natural part of life. Each fall she encounters will help her appreciate her successes even more. - Emotions are Valid, but Not Always Necessary
Crying is a natural response, and I believe in its power, but I want my daughter to understand that not every minor setback requires an emotional reaction. - True Value Lies Beyond Appearance
Many comments I hear about keeping her clean stem from societal expectations. I’ve struggled with body image, and I want to instill in her that her worth is not tied to her appearance.
As my daughter approaches her second birthday, my instinct is to run to her every time she falls. However, I recognize the importance of teaching her resilience. I will always be there when she truly needs me, but I also want to empower her to rise up on her own. By not rushing to her aid every time she stumbles, I hope to instill a sense of strength and bravery within her. There will come a day when she will face the world without me by her side.
For further insights on parenting and resilience, check out our other blog post here. If you’re considering at-home insemination options, BabyMaker offers great kits, and Johns Hopkins has excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
This article explores the reasons behind allowing a child to learn resilience through falls and failures. It emphasizes the importance of teaching children bravery, independence, and emotional regulation while highlighting societal perceptions of parenting styles.
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