In public restrooms, I often find myself scouring multiple stalls to locate a toilet seat that isn’t marred by splatters of urine. It’s not an enjoyable experience. While I recognize that pee on the toilet seat isn’t the most pressing issue in the world, it certainly doesn’t need to be a recurring one, so I feel justified in voicing my frustration. Pee on the seat is unpleasant and, quite frankly, unworthy of us as women. My mother always said that if you’re going to complain, you should also have a solution. So here I am, offering one.
Let’s consider a simple yet revolutionary idea: why don’t we all just sit down on public toilets? Yes, I’m addressing you, the squatters out there!
I completely understand the anxiety that comes from the thought of your thighs and part of your backside making contact with a surface recently occupied by a stranger. It’s not exactly a pleasant thought. No one enjoys the idea of sharing skin cells—especially those from our rear ends—with someone we don’t know.
And I get it—the fear of potentially sitting in someone else’s urine is real. After all, there’s surely a special place in the depths of discomfort for those who have to repeatedly encounter such unsavory situations.
But if you’re choosing to squat to avoid the possibility of skin contact with a toilet seat, you’re not just part of the issue; you are, in fact, the very problem. By opting to squat, you are making it impossible for others to enjoy a sanitary sitting experience, because you are the one inadvertently splashing urine all over the seat.
The reality is that squatting makes it nearly impossible for women to control where their urine lands. This is one of the key reasons toilet seats were invented in the first place. Women don’t have the same anatomy as men, who essentially have a built-in water gun. When squatting, a woman’s urine is likely to end up everywhere except where it’s intended. It could splatter on clothing, shoes, the floor, and of course, the toilet seat itself.
Also, let’s be honest—squatting is a workout. Do we really want to combine exercise with a bathroom break? And don’t even get me started on the challenges of trying to do a number two while squatting; talk about a nightmare.
To all the squatters out there: if you enter a stall with a pristine toilet seat and you choose to squat, you’ve effectively ruined it for everyone else who follows. You’ve left them with a seat covered in your unwelcome mess, forcing them to either find another stall, clean up after you, or resort to squatting as well. None of these options are ideal.
That’s why it’s time for us to come together and agree to sit. And by “us,” I mean every single one of us. This collective agreement is essential—it’s like herd immunity for public restrooms. Plus, if we all commit to keeping our thighs and rear ends clean, it will make sitting down much less daunting. If we can trust each other’s cleanliness, we can all comfortably take a seat without fear of encountering someone else’s mess. This is what true solidarity among women looks like.
So what do you say, fellow restroom-goers? Let’s make this commitment together. My child is waiting to use the toilet, after all.
P.S. Just a quick note: this solution does not extend to porta-potties. In those cases, squatting is a must, no matter the consequences.
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In summary, let’s make a pact to sit on public toilets to ensure a cleaner and more pleasant experience for everyone. Together, we can put an end to the mess and enjoy our bathroom breaks without worry.
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