The call began like any typical catch-up with my close friend.
“Hey! How’s your day going?”
“Not much, just tackling laundry. What about you?”
“Same here. Just the usual grind.”
A moment of silence fell as I wrestled with the question that had been weighing on my mind. She sensed it, the way only the best friends can.
“Do you think… what would you say if you found out that Mark was sexually active?”
Her pause was palpable. Mark is her eldest son, nearly 17—just a year and a half older than my own child. She’s juggling a bustling household filled with teens, just like I am. We often support each other through the trials of parenting. I expected her to respond with her usual humor about preparing for the inevitable teenage explorations. I needed that reassurance, a laugh, anything to lighten the mood.
“Honestly? He already is, and has been for some time.”
Now, I was the one taken aback. I hadn’t realized, and I wasn’t quite sure how to process this new information.
“You are? I mean, I’m aware I’m not overly conservative, and I know it’s common at this age. But how do you come to terms with that?”
She chuckled softly. “It’s funny; we had this conversation last year, and you were the one offering me advice about open discussions and being realistic.”
I recalled those conversations, feeling a mix of pride and disbelief. I had felt so prepared, so confident in my parenting approach. But now, faced with this reality, I felt like I’d been blindsided. Was I just a hypocrite pretending to be a cool mom? Had I given advice on an issue I knew only in theory? What a phony I felt! But I pushed back those thoughts. I had talked to my kids, we’d discussed these topics. I knew I was capable; I just needed reassurance that my panic was normal.
“There’s a difference between being okay with it and encouraging it,” she explained. “I don’t accept it wholeheartedly; I just know I’ve done what I can to educate him about safety and responsibility. Now, all I can do is hope that he’s making wise choices. That doesn’t mean I don’t worry, though. You’ll question if you could’ve done something differently.”
“What do you do in those moments?” I asked softly.
“I remind myself that worrying is part of being a mom. If I didn’t worry, I wouldn’t be doing my job. I’ve communicated with him, made sure he knows I’m always here to talk. And sometimes, we have to let them take responsibility for their own decisions—even if we don’t like what they choose.”
Her logic was sound, but at that moment, my earlier confidence felt frayed. “How do I keep that in mind? I feel overwhelmed—I thought I had it all figured out. Why is my heart racing?”
“Because you’re a caring parent. You’ve got this. Take deep breaths. Imagine it’s someone else’s kid. What advice would you give me if I were panicking?”
“I’d say, let’s talk about it before the kids come home.”
“And that’s what you’re doing now. You don’t have to have that talk with him tonight. Give yourself time to process this. Think about what you want to say. Write it out if you need to. Just make sure you’re calm and collected when it’s time to talk.”
“You’re right. I can do this. Thanks for being there. I love you.”
“Love you too. Just remember, we could be handling this the way our parents did—which clearly didn’t work out too well.” We both laughed at that.
“Now go take a moment for yourself before you fall apart.”
“Okay.”
“Talk soon.”
As I ended the call, I took a deep breath, preparing for the conversation ahead. I can handle this. I will handle this right, and I hope it’s enough.
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Summary:
This article reflects on the challenges parents face when navigating teenage sexuality and the anxiety that often accompanies it. Through a heartfelt conversation between two friends, we explore the importance of open communication, understanding, and the emotional struggles that come with letting go as kids grow up.
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