Menu: Parenting
So You’re Curious About My Baby’s Sleep Habits?
by Jamie Thompson
Updated: Aug. 15, 2023
Originally Published: Jan. 4, 2023
“How’s he sleeping?”
This is the question that everyone seems to ask. It comes up in nearly every conversation, right after “Hi.” It usually comes with a head tilt, a furrowed brow, and a sympathetic tone.
I completely understand why people ask. After all, I’m a tired mom who probably looks like a weathered toolbox instead of a vibrant person. I don’t take offense—it’s a natural inquiry. But honestly, I dread it.
My dread doesn’t stem from the question itself, but rather from the predictable follow-up that always seems to happen after I answer. The conversation usually goes something like this:
“How is he sleeping?” (head tilt, concerned expression)
“Not very well?” I end up saying, questioningly.
“That’s tough.” (slow nod, sympathetic tone) “Have you tried…?”
And that’s where my anxiety kicks in. The innocent question morphs into a trap, leading me down a path filled with unsolicited advice:
“Have you tried a white noise machine? What about formula? Have you let him cry it out? Have you read this book or followed that program? Have you…? Have you…?”
It seems that everyone I encounter has at least a couple of suggestions to share, if not their entire life’s wisdom. And while I appreciate their intentions, the sheer volume of advice can be overwhelming. It feels as though there’s an endless list of things I should or shouldn’t do—or perhaps I’m just not doing them correctly. It’s as if there’s a magical solution out there that would make my baby sleep through the night like all the other infants.
Recently, a friend of mine who just became a new mom asked me this very question. As I sat there, my mind began to drift. She has only been a parent for a week, yet she’s absorbed countless books on childbirth and parenting. I was bracing myself for her undoubtedly untested theories on sleep.
I gave my usual response about how he’s not sleeping well, and she simply replied, “Ah. That’s pretty common, huh?”
I looked at her, struck by the simplicity of the word “common.” Suddenly, my baby’s sleep struggles didn’t seem like an issue that required fixing. It wasn’t a sign that something was wrong with either him or me. Some babies just don’t sleep well, and that’s perfectly okay.
You might think this realization is obvious, but it was a relief I desperately needed.
I’m not saying there aren’t methods I could explore to help him sleep better—books I could read or strategies I might try. I’m still on that quest for a full night’s sleep instead of short catnaps. I even seek advice from a few trusted friends. But now, when someone brings up the dreaded question, I know how to respond: five words and five words only for the well-intentioned advice-givers before I smile and shift the conversation.
“He’s sleeping like a baby.”
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In summary, while the question about my baby’s sleep may come from a place of concern, I’m learning to embrace the reality that some babies just don’t sleep soundly. And that’s alright.
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