Parenting
“Want to go on a special outing? Just the two of us?”
I’ve posed this question to my son countless times, but it’s been a while since our last adventure. With the arrival of our youngest, nearly seven months ago, those cherished outings have taken a backseat.
My son, now 4 years old, is the eldest of three. He has a 2-year-old sister and a baby brother who look up to him. He’s bright, enthusiastic, compassionate, and always eager to lend a hand. Yet he also experiences emotions more intensely than most—his feelings run deep, and his passion is undeniable.
When his sister came along two and a half years ago, he quickly transitioned from being the sole focus of my attention to sharing the spotlight. To cope, we began having our “dates,” which ranged from simple walks to more elaborate outings. Those moments became our escape, where the destination didn’t matter as long as we were together.
Fast forward to the birth of our youngest, and he’s now my big helper, the one I rely on to set an example and behave. His love for his siblings is extraordinary; I know he wouldn’t trade them for anything, not even the solitude of being an only child. However, I can’t help but feel he’s been sidelined.
Just yesterday, during Thanksgiving, he spent the day expressing frustration over not getting enough attention from his dad, despite the fun they had together. I try to acknowledge his feelings and let him know I’m here for him, but there are simply too many demands on my time. With three little ones, and no one sleeping through the night, maintaining patience can be a challenge.
This morning, I seized the moment and asked, “Do you want to go on a date? Just you and me?” The sparkle in his eyes and the excitement in his voice reminded me of how much he craves this time together. He asked if I could carry him, a small request that made my heart swell. As I lifted him into my arms, I couldn’t help but marvel at how big he’s gotten.
We headed to a local diner, a treat for us since we adhere to a gluten-free diet. Sitting in the booth, he nestled next to me, crayon in hand, as we tackled the activity placemat together. I gazed at him, taking in every detail as if I were rediscovering him anew. I noticed the scratches on his cheek and the freckles that danced along his nose, extending towards his hairline. Where had my little baby gone?
Leaning into me, he whispered, “I love you,” and in that moment, I realized I hadn’t scolded him once. No disapproving looks or reminders of what he should and shouldn’t do. He was simply perfect in that instance.
How had I lost touch with the details of his growing up? After our meal, he took the check and confidently asked for money to pay for our date. I watched as he stood taller than ever before, his head reaching above my waist. When did he grow so tall?
Once we were back in the car, a wave of emotions hit me. Tears streamed down my face as I hugged him tightly. He noticed and asked why I was upset. I explained how challenging it was for both of us to manage the needs of his younger siblings and how I sometimes fail to give him the focused attention he deserves. I promised him more dates, even if it meant a simple car ride with music. He smiled and told me he’d love that.
And that’s why I prioritize these special moments with my son.
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Summary:
In this post, I explore the importance of setting aside one-on-one time with my eldest child, especially amidst the demands of a growing family. Simple outings can help strengthen our bond and ensure he feels valued and loved, despite the challenges of parenting multiple children.
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