As the new year began, I decided to craft an Advent calendar for the holidays. I envisioned my children bounding down the stairs each morning, excitement radiating from their little faces as they discovered their daily treat. I filled each shiny pocket with three pieces of candy—one for each kid—and thought this would become a cherished family tradition. But by day three, the excitement turned into chaos as they squabbled over who got which piece of candy.
In my attempt to create a magical experience, I ended up drowning out their arguing with the noise of the vacuum cleaner. Before I knew it, I was wrestling with the vacuum in my pajamas, yelling, “Who cares about the candy! This is supposed to be special!” At that moment, I realized I was trying way too hard to manufacture special experiences for my kids, and I was setting myself up for disappointment.
I often find myself with unrealistic expectations about how my children should react to what I perceive as meaningful moments. It’s not that we shower them with too many physical gifts; rather, I’m guilty of overloading them with overly planned experiences. The truth is, special moments can’t be owned or orchestrated. They need to unfold naturally. When my expectations aren’t met, I end up feeling frustrated, and all my efforts seem to go unnoticed.
Reflecting on my own childhood, I remember that the best memories were often spontaneous, arising from moments I didn’t anticipate. For instance, there was a day when my partner came home early while all three of our kids were at school. We indulged in a delightful afternoon together and enjoyed fried chicken—something we hadn’t done in years. That unplanned outing turned out to be far more enjoyable than any meticulously arranged dinner date.
Another memorable moment was discovering a bouquet of dandelions in my son’s room. When I remarked that they were dying, he innocently replied, “No mama, they are just turning into wishes.” That’s what special really means—a simple yet profound moment that requires no preparation or expectations.
As I reflect on these experiences, I realize that the essence of magic often lies in the unexpected. I’m beginning to understand that if I take a step back and lower my expectations, my children may find their own joy in little moments. This year, I might skip the candy in the Advent calendar altogether. I’ve decided that I won’t ask them where they want to eat anymore, as that only leads to arguments. Instead, I’ll choose the restaurant myself—because, honestly, I’m the parent and I have a better idea of where we can dine without drama.
As for any grand plans for our weekends, I’ll embrace spontaneity. We’ll visit places less frequently, allowing their excitement to build naturally without the risk of disappointment when things don’t meet their expectations. I’m no longer striving for perfection in my parenting; rather, I want to create fond memories without losing my sanity in the process. After all, what’s really special is a mother who isn’t overwhelmed trying to make every moment extraordinary.
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In summary, I’m learning to let go of the pressure to create special moments and instead embrace the beauty of spontaneous joy. By doing so, I hope to foster a more relaxed and enjoyable environment for my family.
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