“This might be a bit unsettling,” my physician remarked. I plugged in my headphones and cranked up the volume on my white noise app, preparing myself for yet another D&C. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the first time I had heard those words. Over the course of the past nine months, I’ve been in this situation more times than I can count, experiencing two natural pregnancies, one cycle of IVF, along with countless fertility tests, treatments, blood draws, shots, and two D&C procedures.
I’m a mother to a 12-year-old son from a previous relationship. In my 20s, I welcomed him into the world when the idea of motherhood felt distant and abstract. The experience of becoming a parent transformed my life in profound ways, and I always envisioned welcoming more children if the circumstances aligned after remarriage. Fast forward to a year ago when my husband and I decided to actively try for another baby.
In March, I found out I was pregnant, but tragically, it ended shortly after. In May, I became pregnant again, only to learn at eight weeks that I had a missed miscarriage, leading to a D&C in early June. By October, I was pregnant once more, this time through IVF. On November 20th—my own birthday—I faced another D&C due to another missed miscarriage.
Coming to terms with these losses—losses of potential life—has been a journey of its own. Mourning for something that never came to be is complicated, and I’ve grappled with conflicting emotions throughout. However, I’ve managed to keep my focus on the future, significantly due to the insights I’ve gained from enduring three miscarriages in a mere nine months.
Miscarriage is More Common Than You Think
Before this year, I never gave miscarriage much thought. It was an abstract concept, much like motherhood had been before I experienced it firsthand. I understood it happened, but it never crossed my mind that it might happen to me. Living openly about my experiences has been cathartic. Sharing my journey has shown me how many women I know have faced similar challenges, making me feel far less isolated. If you’re interested in learning more about experiences like mine, check out this blog post on Cervical Insemination.
Opening Up Eases the Shame
Many women, including myself, carry a sense of shame associated with miscarriage, feeling as if they have failed in some way. It doesn’t make sense, yet it’s real. By discussing the highs and lows of my fertility journey, I’ve managed to shed the shame that often accompanies these experiences, and for that, I am truly thankful.
Finding Distractions
In the days following a miscarriage, it’s essential to do whatever works for you—whether it’s reading, binge-watching your favorite series, shopping, or exercising. These distractions can be incredibly helpful, and it’s crucial not to judge yourself for wanting to escape, even if just for a little while.
Grief and Gratitude Coexist
Feeling grief doesn’t negate your gratitude for the good things in life. Both emotions can coexist. Well-meaning friends may try to help by pointing out all that’s great in your life, but that doesn’t lessen your right to grieve. A dear friend once advised me, “Don’t skip the grief; it’s important.” This was exactly what I needed to hear. Grief can creep back in unexpectedly, making it easier to confront and process it rather than push it away. When you allow yourself to grieve, your appreciation for life’s positives becomes even deeper.
Perspective is Key
When my respected doctor had to deliver the unfortunate news of my missed miscarriage, she reminded me that there are worse scenarios, such as facing an ectopic pregnancy, which carries far more significant risks. She also shared her own experiences, including the heart-wrenching reality of delivering stillborn babies. Miscarriage is undeniably painful, filled with complex emotions, but it’s not the worst thing one can endure. This perspective helps me keep my challenges in context.
It’s Alright to Be Okay Again
Conversely, some people may express skepticism or concern when they see you moving forward after loss. Because I’ve allowed myself to feel grief, share my story, and acknowledge my gratitude for what I still have, I find myself feeling okay again. It’s all been “a little uncomfortable,” much like many other life experiences. If you ever find yourself navigating similar challenges concerning fertility, know that you too can look forward to brighter days.
For those exploring options for starting or expanding their families, consider checking out reputable sites like Make a Mom for at-home insemination syringe kits or visit the Genetics and IVF Institute for valuable insights into pregnancy and home insemination options.
In summary, while the journey through miscarriage is fraught with emotional challenges, it also offers crucial lessons and perspectives. By staying open, sharing experiences, and understanding that grief and gratitude can coexist, one can find a way to look forward even through the toughest moments.
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