I often feel like I’m in the middle of a chaotic arena. With three daughters under the age of 10, the sibling rivalry is relentless. Anyone with kids knows the drill: accusations of cheating at games, sneaky kicks under the dinner table, and perpetual squabbles over who gets to sit next to mom. Their relentless bickering can escalate to absurd levels—if one catches a cold, the others might berate her for breathing too loudly. At this very moment, they’re engaged in a fierce dispute over a Wii remote. Are they typical siblings, or are they just little ruffians? I can’t quite tell.
My husband, who grew up as the middle child in a trio, insists that their behavior is par for the course. Whenever I share tales of their antics, he has a counterstory. “Oh really? One time, my brother hooked my scalp with a fishing line and dragged me across the beach,” he might recount while pointing to the scar as evidence. It all feels so foreign to me. As you might have guessed, I was raised as an only child.
My affection for my daughters knows no bounds. My youngest is a radiant little girl who charms everyone around her. I mention this to soften a harsher truth: the constant chaos and friction among them can wear me down to the point where, in the early days after her birth, I questioned whether having three children was a blunder.
Last fall, my father began an extensive treatment for stage 3 cancer. Upon hearing the diagnosis, I called my husband, who was away on business. After we hung up, I found myself standing still in the living room, phone in hand, unsure of who to reach out to next. In that moment, I yearned for a sibling—someone to share the burden with me. Lacking that connection, I turned to my friend Claire, a longtime companion from my teenage years. “I feel like I need a sibling,” I confessed.
“I can be your sister,” she replied, but I knew she was juggling her own busy life with two sisters and kids. We belong to the sandwich generation, where most of my friends are managing aging parents while raising their own children. No one can fill that sibling void for me.
As my mother struggled under the weight of caring for my father, she began exhibiting neurological issues likely linked to stress. Our family unit, once a tightly-knit triangle, was now wobbling on two sides. Living eight hours away, I tried to hold everything together while my husband’s travel commitments increased, making it impossible for me to visit my parents. All I could do was endure the lonely days of single parenting, often failing to hide my tears from the kids.
One sunny fall afternoon, while pushing my youngest on a swing at the playground, I found myself avoiding other moms who were chatting at the picnic tables. Next to me was the grandmother of my daughter’s classmate, also pushing her grandson. After a few rounds of “higher, higher!” we started talking. She shared that both her daughter and grandson were only children, and I mentioned that I was as well.
“Did you enjoy it?” she asked. It’s a question I’ve always found difficult to answer. While being an only child had its lonely moments, I also enjoyed more focused attention from my parents and a few extra perks. That day, however, I felt no ambivalence. I didn’t want to hurt this kind woman’s feelings, so I replied, “Well, I did growing up…” and trailed off.
“And now?” she pressed. I fought back tears as I revealed my worries about my aging parents and how their health issues weighed heavily on me. I admitted that I longed for a sibling to share this experience with.
“Yes, my daughter faces challenges too,” she shared. “After I lost my husband a few years ago, it’s been tough for her as an only child. I didn’t consider these issues when she was younger.” I expressed my condolences, and we shared a moment of silence, both understanding the shared burden.
Recent studies have painted a rather negative picture of sibling relationships. The bestselling book NurtureShock revealed that sibling interactions can often be hostile, leading to socialization skill deficits similar to those in only children. A 2010 British study of 40,000 households concluded that only children reported higher happiness levels, with satisfaction actually declining as more siblings were added. The researchers indicated that siblings introduce additional household responsibilities and stress. While this research resonates with me, it seems somewhat shortsighted. Being an only child had its idyllic moments, but being an only adult can be daunting.
I didn’t expect my father to survive, but he did. Now cancer-free, he visited us at Christmas. My mom and I prepared our traditional roast beef and Yorkshire pudding, all while my daughters squabbled in the background. After years of wanting to replace our cramped dining table, I finally relented and bought a larger one. My husband wisely advised against a table that seats ten, suggesting it would look out of place in our modest dining area. I settled on one that accommodates eight, though I regretted not going bigger. I envisioned a table that could host my daughters, their friends, spouses, and future children for years to come. I would have purchased a table for twenty if it were feasible.
Perhaps we all yearn for what we didn’t have growing up. I often find myself envious of friends’ photos showcasing their close-knit sibling bonds. But as Shel Silverstein said, “All the magic I have known, I’ve had to make myself.” Ultimately, the family I will have is the one I’ve created. I realize this now—or perhaps I always knew it. That’s why I chose to have three kids: I wanted them to have each other. They might not appreciate it while they bicker over the last brownie or the first turn at Minecraft, but one day, they will.
For more insights on family and relationships, be sure to check out this insightful post on Intracervical Insemination. And if you’re considering starting your own family journey, Cryobaby’s at-home insemination kits are a reputable option to explore. For further information on pregnancy and home insemination techniques, don’t miss this excellent resource from Cleveland Clinic.
Summary
Being an only child can shape your experience of adulthood in surprising ways, especially when faced with familial challenges. As the author navigates the complexities of raising three daughters while dealing with aging parents, she reflects on the joys and difficulties of sibling dynamics, ultimately concluding that the family we create can be just as meaningful as the one we were born into.
Leave a Reply