As a mother of three children all under the age of five, I can confidently say that our family has seen its fair share of emergency room visits. Many of these trips have followed the classic “Murphy’s Law” of parenting—like when my child develops a high fever right at 5:31 p.m. on a Friday. We’ve also had our share of overly cautious head bumps that warranted a visit. (By the way, it’s totally unfair that when you Google “what does brain fluid look like,” the answer is indistinguishable from mucus. How am I supposed to tell if her runny nose is from crying or something more serious? Spoiler alert: it was just tears!)
However, the most peculiar ER trip occurred a few months back. It was the end of a long school week, and everyone was running low on energy. I was in the kitchen, cooking dinner and dreaming of getting the tired little ones to bed early. Just as I poured some eggs into the frying pan, my son burst into the room, sobbing uncontrollably.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, concerned.
Through his tears, he managed to say, “I don’t think I swallowed a penny!”
This was a new one for me.
“I don’t understand,” I replied. “What do you mean you don’t think you swallowed it?”
This question sent him deeper into despair, and he was unable to articulate his thoughts. My husband and I exchanged bewildered glances. It was time for some detective work. I called my daughter, who had been playing with him, to see if she could clarify the situation, but she just gave me her best innocent stare, clearly opting to remain silent.
I took a breath, turned off the stove, and called my brother, who happens to be an ER doctor.
“He said he doesn’t think he swallowed a penny,” I explained.
“So… he swallowed a penny,” he replied matter-of-factly.
I sighed. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”
Thus began what I can only describe as the most embarrassing trip to the ER ever. My husband took over dinner duties while my son and I headed out. He settled down a bit once he realized we were en route to the hospital. On the drive, I tried once more to get to the bottom of this penny mystery.
“I don’t think I swallowed one,” he insisted.
“But how is that even a possibility? Can you tell me why you’re so upset?” He couldn’t provide answers, so we continued our journey.
When we arrived at the ER, I approached the receptionist and explained, “Hi, my son doesn’t think he swallowed a penny.” She managed to suppress a chuckle while checking us in.
We were soon led to an examination room, where I reiterated my son’s predicament to a nurse and then to the on-call doctor. “Did you swallow a penny?” the doctor asked.
“No,” my son replied, his conviction growing stronger.
The doctor laughed and confidently stated, “He almost certainly swallowed a penny.” (Do they have a class for that in med school?) He then mentioned that an x-ray technician would come in to see if the penny was indeed present. “It should be fine, but there’s a slight chance it could get lodged, so it’s better to check.”
At this point, my son was happily engrossed in a Disney show on the hospital TV—a luxury he rarely gets at home. When the x-ray technician arrived, he jovially exclaimed, “I hear your son didn’t swallow a penny! That’s a new one!” He took the x-rays while my son tried to twist his head toward the TV, completely forgetting about the penny drama.
A short while later, the doctor returned with the results.
“Well, your son is a truthful boy,” he said.
“You mean he didn’t swallow a penny?” I asked.
“No penny,” he confirmed.
Great. I can’t even recall what the discharge instructions were. “Look out for signs of an overactive imagination”? What I do remember is that we paid a pretty penny to learn my son had not, in fact, swallowed a penny.
I never got to the bottom of what had transpired. I attempted to ask my son about it again during the ride home, but he remained tight-lipped. Days later, he casually mentioned that he couldn’t find a penny, so he assumed he must have swallowed it. Apparently, if it’s not on the floor, it must be in his stomach? I’m still baffled by the whole ordeal. But hey, at least it had a happy ending, right?
If you’re curious about more parenting tales, check out our post on overactive imaginations for a good laugh. And for those considering home insemination, Make a Mom has excellent products to assist you on your journey. Also, for more resources on pregnancy and home insemination, visit Progyny.
In conclusion, parenting often leads us to unexpected and sometimes hilarious situations, like a trip to the ER over a penny that may or may not have been swallowed. But each experience teaches us something, and we learn to embrace the chaos, one imaginative thought at a time.
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