Reflecting on my first year as a parent, I realize that my greatest mistake is one I still battle with today. I tend to be overly rigid and uptight. Honestly, I often feel as if I’m a tightly wound spring ready to snap at any moment.
I partnered with a wonderfully laid-back person, Mike, who seems unfazed by the worries that often consume me. This difference was especially evident when our children were young. I was adamant about establishing a strict schedule for their eating and sleeping. For me, having set mealtimes and bedtimes was crucial for maintaining some semblance of sanity while navigating the chaos of parenthood. After all, babies certainly run the show, and I was exhausted, desperately needing a moment to myself.
While Mike worked, I was home full-time with the kids, which made me feel responsible for their well-being around the clock—including all those sleepless nights filled with feedings and diaper changes. The pressure to maintain a schedule was my only hope for catching more than a few hours of sleep at once.
This desire for structure led to anxiety about social plans and birthday party invitations. The challenge of ensuring the kids were fed and rested before venturing out was overwhelming. I can hardly recall a peaceful family meal during that time; it felt as if someone always needed a diaper change or to be rocked back to sleep. Handing the baby to Mike often didn’t help either; they always preferred me.
Now, two decades later, I can see how my need for order has shaped our lives. I run my household like a finely tuned clock, and while I appreciate the structure, I sometimes wonder if I’ve missed the beauty of spontaneity. My children, despite their occasional protests, have thrived under this system. The schedules I enforced helped them manage their time effectively during high school, and they seem to carry those skills into their college and graduate studies.
However, not everything in life requires meticulous planning. Some of the most delightful moments arise unexpectedly—experiences I suspect I overlooked in my quest for control. Living with rigidity makes it hard to embrace those serendipitous moments that can enrich our lives.
I have friends, Sarah and Tom, who welcomed children later in life, and their inflexibility makes me look downright easygoing. I often wonder how they navigate daily life because I’ve learned that being controlling is not easily toggled on and off; it tends to seep into all aspects of life. Observing their strictness serves as an unflattering reflection of my own tendencies, and I find myself wishing I had chosen a more relaxed approach at times. Clinging to control only added unnecessary stress for everyone involved, and I realize now that striving for perfection is a burden no parent should carry.
As my kids have grown into their 20s, they’ve humorously dubbed me “the uptight mom,” which makes me cringe. I still struggle with maintaining a schedule, particularly when they visit. I get anxious if we venture out without a plan, and the thought of waiting somewhere unplanned sends my mind racing. I have a vision of how the day should unfold, and I don’t like it when that plan is disrupted. I see traces of my rigidity reflected in my children, and I wish it were different. Life would undoubtedly be easier, less stressful, and far more whimsical without my compulsion to control every moment.
Now, when unexpected changes arise—something my husband, Mike, seems to thrive on—I am consciously trying to shift my mindset. Rather than immediately dismissing these surprises with a laundry list of reasons why they won’t work, I’m learning to lean into spontaneity and consider, “You know, this might actually be fun.” Striking a balance between organization and spontaneity is my ongoing goal. Letting go of the illusion of perfection is my first step. My early parenting mistake? It’s a lesson I’m still learning.
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Summary
Navigating the challenges of parenting, I reflect on my rigid approach to scheduling that has persisted for 20 years. While it has provided structure for my family, I recognize the importance of spontaneity and the joy of unexpected moments. My journey continues as I strive for balance between control and flexibility, aiming to embrace the delightful surprises that life has to offer.
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