As we stood in line under the sweltering June sun, waiting to enter the bustling auditorium for our youngest child’s middle school graduation, we couldn’t help but feel a sense of déjà vu. This was our fifth time navigating such an event, and it was predictably cramped and slow-moving. Then, just a few steps ahead, we spotted a family member we had a restraining order against due to past abuse and harassment. In that instant, we made the decision to step out of line and take a stroll around the block instead. We ended up at a nearby pub, enjoying a refreshing drink and opting to prioritize our own emotional well-being over the ceremony. Our son was none the wiser.
It might sound callous, but one of the common misconceptions in parenting is that “every milestone matters.” In reality, our absence at this particular ceremony didn’t impact our son in the slightest. We chose not to mention our decision to skip it; we weren’t heartless. Afterward, we reunited with him outside the auditorium for photos and to celebrate his achievement in our own way. But the graduation itself? I’m still puzzled as to why it even existed. Today, parents often go overboard celebrating ordinary accomplishments. Graduating from high school or college is certainly a big deal, but moving on from kindergarten, elementary school, or junior high? Not so much. The journey is far from over.
I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. Recently, there has been a noticeable backlash against the overindulgence of children today. Kids are receiving trophies just for participating and many have never experienced simple childhood tasks like walking to the park alone or making their own lunches. Daily, articles and essays flood parenting blogs discussing this phenomenon (check out “helicopter parenting” for a glimpse into this trend).
The reality is that the two (or often just one) parents who juggle the demands of raising children from infancy to their mid-twenties (because they don’t magically become adults at 18) sometimes need a break. If that means skipping out on a graduation ceremony and trading it for a casual ice cream outing, so be it. Parenting is tough, especially with multiple children. It’s crucial for parents to take care of themselves, even if that means saying no to yet another overwhelming obligation.
For my partner and me, that moment of saying “no” arose when we saw our happy occasion turn sour. The expectations and demands can be overwhelming. Whether this decision labels us as successful or not in the grand scheme of parenting, I can’t say. We’ve provided both indulgent experiences and lessons in resilience for our kids, attending as many games and events as we could while ensuring they had what they needed. So far, we’ve successfully guided four of our five children into their adult lives. And the event we skipped? It carried on without us, and our son thrived without our presence.
The sky remained intact, and no divine retribution fell upon us. If that doesn’t relieve some of the pressure of parenting, I don’t know what will. If you’re interested in more insights on parenting and milestones, check out this engaging post on Cervical Insemination. For those considering at-home insemination, Make a Mom offers reliable kits to help you on your journey. And if you want in-depth information about pregnancy and home insemination, UCSF’s Center is a fantastic resource.
In summary, sometimes missing a milestone isn’t the tragedy it’s made out to be. Parents need to prioritize their own well-being while navigating the complexities of raising children. After all, it’s not about every single event; it’s about the lasting impact we leave on our kids.
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