I never really felt the pressure to start a family until just a few months before my wedding. After cradling my niece for the first time, it was as if a switch flipped. Suddenly, everyone seemed to be asking, “So, when are you going to have kids?” Little did I know, this question would become a frequent topic of conversation. While I often respond with a smile and a rehearsed answer, there are so many things I wish I could say to those who keep prying about my family planning. Here are nine things I’d love to express to those who constantly inquire about my future as a parent:
1. To My Cherished Friends and Family
Please stop asking when I’m going to present you with a grandchild or a little cousin for your kids. I appreciate your excitement; I share it too! I can’t wait for the day I get to announce my pregnancy, but every time you ask, it feels like I need to justify my current choices. While I adore playing with your little ones, it also makes me reflect on my own future. Your innocent comments can unintentionally leave me feeling inadequate.
2. To Those Who Think I’m Prioritizing My Career Over Family
Every day at work is a step toward my future, not a means to avoid motherhood. I’m diligently saving money for when I do decide to start a family. I know the media often portrays women as choosing careers over children, but I’m my own person with my own path—please don’t lump me in with everyone else.
3. To the Concerned Ones Who Mention My ‘Biological Clock’
Thank you for your unsolicited concern! Your comments have pushed me to search things like, “Is 27 too old to have a baby?” Rest assured, I’ve had thorough discussions with my doctor and my biological clock is ticking just fine.
4. To Those Who Demand Explanations
I often think of you, especially before social gatherings, and I prepare for the questions I know you’ll ask. Previous responses like, “We’re waiting until my partner finishes school,” or “We want to save up,” haven’t sufficed. It’s daunting to pinpoint a timeline for my life that I might not even have figured out myself. I wouldn’t dream of asking for your life’s timeline every time we meet, so please consider refraining from asking me for mine.
5. To Those Who Call Me Selfish
I sometimes agree with you. Yes, I am selfish for wanting to ensure my partner isn’t overwhelmed by juggling two jobs while going to school just so we can have a baby. I’m selfish in wanting a healthy savings account before expanding our family. I’m selfish for striving to be in the best shape for my future child. Is there anything else you’d like to highlight?
6. To Those Who Say I Should Have Kids Because ‘Everyone Else Is’
I recall my mother’s wise words from childhood: “If everyone jumped off a cliff, would you?” Social media has made it all too easy to feel pressured to conform. While scrolling through adorable baby photos on Instagram is tempting, I’m choosing to wait until it feels right for me.
7. To Those Who Judge My Choices
There are nights I find myself questioning my worth. I hope that when I finally hold my child, I won’t feel like a failure for wanting the best for them. Not trying to conceive doesn’t mean I’m not constantly contemplating what’s best for my future kids.
8. To Those Who Struggle to Find Topics to Discuss
Ask me about my aspirations, recent adventures, my job, or even my favorite foods. Just steer clear of the kids question, please.
9. To Those Who Are Unaware
I’m not currently facing infertility challenges. My heart goes out to those who are. Honestly, I don’t know if I can have kids since I’ve never tried. Each time you pose that dreaded question, it cuts a little deeper. I dream of motherhood, so please be kind and choose your words wisely. You never know what someone else is navigating in their life.
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In summary, while the questions about having kids may come from a place of care, they can often feel intrusive and overwhelming. It’s essential to respect individual journeys and the complexities of family planning.
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