We’ve all been there—forced to embrace a smelly relative at a family gathering, perhaps even kissing them, leaving us with an unforgettable sense of discomfort. I know that feeling all too well, and it’s precisely why I refuse to make my children hug or kiss anyone against their will.
I strongly believe that children deserve the autonomy to decline physical affection when it makes them uneasy, and thankfully, this philosophy is gaining traction among modern parents. Teaching kids about bodily autonomy is becoming increasingly recognized, and many agree that children should have a say in setting their own personal boundaries.
A recent essay in Slate by Nina Thompson delves into this parenting trend. Thompson discusses the importance of instilling principles of consent and autonomy in children by allowing them to opt out of physical affection when they choose. While she appreciates the rationale behind this approach, Thompson expresses concern that it might lead to increased social isolation. She notes, “I was raised to believe that our responsibility to others is sometimes expressed through our bodies.“
Interestingly, that’s exactly the mindset that parents like myself are striving to change. I don’t want my children to feel any obligation to show physical affection—whether it’s to me, their grandparents, or even their friends. Their bodies are theirs alone, and it’s essential for them to determine how and when they wish to express affection.
It may seem trivial, but allowing kids to refuse hugs and kisses equips them with a vital skill: the ability to say no. It teaches them that they don’t have to accept unwanted physical contact just because an adult insists on it. This lesson becomes increasingly important in the context of serious issues like sexual abuse. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, one in four girls and one in six boys will experience sexual abuse before they turn 18. One effective preventive strategy is teaching kids about boundaries and empowering them to say ‘no’ when they feel uncomfortable.
Imagine being an adult walking into a room full of strangers, only to be told to hug or kiss someone you’ve never met. Your boss might say, “This is my close friend—give him a kiss!” You’d find it utterly unsettling, and rightly so. We would never impose such expectations on adults, so why should we do it to children?
Personally, I’m not a hugger, and I don’t expect my kids to be either. Instead, I encourage them to express affection in ways that feel right to them—be it a handshake, high five, or even just a friendly wave. It’s crucial that they interact on their own terms, fostering confidence in their boundaries while also respecting others. Kids are individuals, and they deserve to be treated as such.
For those looking for more insights on parenting and bodily autonomy, check out this related post on our blog. And if you’re considering home insemination, a reputable online retailer like Make a Mom offers a variety of at-home insemination kits that can help. Additionally, for those exploring fertility treatment options, the March of Dimes provides excellent resources.
In summary, teaching our children about their right to refuse physical affection is an essential part of modern parenting. By empowering them to establish their own boundaries, we help equip them for the world ahead.
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