Back in the early ’90s, if someone had told me, a fiercely independent, career-oriented woman, that I would put my hard-earned education on pause to be a stay-at-home mom, I would have scoffed. That’s not how I was raised to think. Yet, life has a way of reshaping our choices, often when we least expect it.
Over the past eight years of parenthood, I’ve found myself navigating two stints as a stay-at-home mom, shaped significantly by circumstance. One experience was rewarding, while the other—well, let’s just say it was less than ideal.
My first stint unfolded in a quaint Turkish village, where I was teaching full-time until my due date. However, a job transfer for my husband meant relocating to a quieter place with limited opportunities. With a newborn in tow and no job prospects, I had to adapt. Thanks to reruns of Martha Stewart (the only English show I could find), local Turkish moms, and a little online research, I managed to survive. By the end of that chapter, I felt like a competent Turkish mom, but once we returned to the States, I rushed back into the workforce like I was escaping a fire.
I never signed up for my second stint; I was drafted into it. My husband lured me into taking a break to help our two-year-old through surgery, but here I am, stuck in this seemingly endless tour. I’ve quickly realized that being a stay-at-home mom in Turkey is a far cry from the American experience, and frankly, I’m not cut out for American-style motherhood.
1. I Lack the Right Wardrobe.
In Turkey, there was no need for fashionable exercise wear; the standard mom outfit was a simple floral scarf and a sweater vest. Here, in the U.S., every school pick-up demands a new, color-coordinated activewear ensemble. Just last week, I overheard a mom talking about her “yoga-dress.” What’s that? Most of these women didn’t just come from the gym, yet they all look fabulous. I tried to join in but failed miserably. I guess I’ll stick with my trusty jeans.
2. Playgroups Are Not My Scene.
In Turkey, socializing with other moms meant casual encounters at the beach or playground, without the pressure of forming lasting friendships. In America, however, if you want your child to be well-adjusted, playgroups are a must. These gatherings often feel more like obligations than enjoyable interactions, and I find myself trapped in a cycle of scheduled meet-ups. That just doesn’t work for my more spontaneous nature.
3. I’m Not a Fan of Mom Conversations.
In Turkey, conversations with other moms revolved around gossip and light-hearted topics, not the nitty-gritty of parenting. Here, I’m bombarded with discussions about motherhood at every turn. Sometimes, I even resort to speaking Turkish to my kids at the playground, hoping to avoid the endless chatter. Sure, I can talk about babywearing and breastfeeding, but I’d much rather discuss current events or indulge in some good humor.
4. Playing Isn’t My Thing.
American moms often spend extensive hours playing with their children, while Turkish mothers delegate that to grandmothers. I appreciate the Turkish philosophy; after all, I have a life to lead. I’m not keen on daily adventures to the Island of Sodor or engaging in lengthy Lego battles. I can create an epic Ninjago scenario, but only for a limited time before I check out.
5. I Crave Adult Interaction.
In Turkey, I felt the same way—loneliness is not my friend. I thrive on conversations that don’t revolve around nap schedules or potty training. I want to wear professional attire, accessorize, and share a few gripes about work with colleagues. That camaraderie is something I miss dearly. While I never claimed to be the perfect employee, I do enjoy the workplace environment.
I never imagined I’d find myself more adept at motherhood in my husband’s culture than my own. Regardless of how much I feel out of my depth, I’m determined to navigate this journey, perhaps with a few more yoga pants to ease the way. For more insights on similar topics, you might find this blog post worthwhile. If you’re interested in at-home insemination options, check out Cryobaby’s at-home insemination kits, and for more information about pregnancy, visit this excellent resource on pregnancy.
In summary, the challenges of adapting to a new culture of motherhood have been eye-opening for me. While I may not fit the mold of the American stay-at-home mom, I’m committed to making this work in my own way.
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