In the early days of parenting, my partner and I naturally gravitated toward our respective roles—a dynamic that has persisted over the years. As the primary caregiver, I have become intimately acquainted with our children’s routines, preferences, and quirks. I am the one who enforces bedtimes, determines dessert eligibility, and keeps track of any lost screen time privileges. Conversely, my partner is the one who can toss the kids in the air, challenge them to a video game of Frogger, and engage in endless imaginative scenarios, like being an Airplane Zoo Driver (yes, that’s a thing).
Whenever I’m away, the household takes on a distinct vibe. The kids end up snuggling with their dad in our bed, indoor volleyball matches get organized, and tickle fights abound. In short, he spends a significant amount of time engaging in playful activities with our boys. However, when he takes a trip, things revert to our usual routine. Bedtimes remain consistent (and in their own beds), homework is tackled before any screen time, and generally, the kids keep themselves entertained. In essence, I don’t often join in the play.
Initially, I found these contrasting parenting styles frustrating. It wasn’t about resenting my role; it was more about societal pressures and expectations that made me feel inferior for being the “not-as-fun” parent. The idea of being playful and engaging in energetic activities didn’t come naturally to me, and I worried that it somehow made me a lesser parent. Who wouldn’t want to have fun with their kids? This nagging pressure to be a more playful version of myself felt like a constant itch—an irritation I couldn’t quite shake off.
Recently, I’ve begun to embrace my parenting style with confidence. Sure, I might be the one calling out “five more minutes until bedtime!” while they giggle over a joke from their favorite show, and I’d rather endure a trip to the dentist than play another round of Airplane Zoo Driver (trust me, don’t ask). However, I find joy in dancing along to Just Dance, coloring for hours, or playing 20 consecutive games of Candy Land.
I’ve also come to appreciate the profound satisfaction that comes from stepping back and observing their fun rather than diving in headfirst. Just the other night, after picking my partner up from the airport, the kids begged him to play hockey in the driveway. The evening air was cool, and twilight was settling in.
“It’s too chilly and dark,” I mentioned.
“Oh, come on!” my partner replied with a mock pout.
“I was just trying to give you an out to unwind,” I whispered, “but go for it if you’re up for it.”
While I prepared dinner inside, my partner changed into comfy clothes and joined the boys outside. As I reheated our meal—and covered it again, recognizing it wouldn’t be eaten anytime soon—I watched them through the window. I considered joining them but decided to stay inside and observe instead.
From this distance, I noticed things I wouldn’t have seen had I jumped into their fun. I saw the admiration in my younger son’s eyes as he looked at his dad, and how my older son tested his boundaries in ways he didn’t with me. More importantly, I could see the pure joy on my partner’s face when not acting as a referee or overseer.
It’s a soothing feeling, like applying a balm to inflamed skin.
For those exploring their own parenting journeys, this perspective is invaluable. The joy of being the “less exciting” parent can be found in allowing yourself the space to observe and appreciate the connections unfolding before you. If you’re interested in further insights on parenting, check out this article on Cervical Insemination for more discussions. And if you’re considering home insemination options, Make A Mom offers reputable kits to assist you in the process, along with ACOG as an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, finding joy in being the “not-as-fun” parent can lead to profound moments of observation and connection. Embracing your unique parenting style allows you to appreciate the little joys that come from watching your children thrive.
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