15 Reasons Why I’d Choose Cats Over Kids in My Next Life

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We’ve all encountered the stereotype of the quirky cat lady, replete with wild hair and a collection of felines. You might have seen her at the grocery store, her cart overflowing with cat treats, or perhaps you’ve been greeted by a headless mouse left at your doorstep. If you’ve ever stopped to chat while she’s wrangling her six cats on leashes, you undoubtedly learned their names, favorite TV shows, and even their political leanings (one of them is oddly passionate about local elections).

Once, I wondered how someone could end up so enamored with cats. That was before I had my own children. Now, I understand that the cat lady’s apparent eccentricity might just be a sign of wisdom gained through experience. After raising three kids in five years, I’ve come to a conclusion: in my next life, I’ll take cats over kids any day. Here’s why:

1. Vegetables

Both kids and cats are known for their aversion to vegetables, but at least my cat’s antics over a cucumber are entertaining. My toddler? Not so much. His vegetable-related meltdowns are far less charming.

2. Potty Training

Cats discreetly handle their business in a litter box and cover it up. My toddler, on the other hand, once gleefully announced his floor “creation” and left a trail that resembled a crime scene.

3. Tranquilizers

Both kids and cats dislike car rides, but I can take my cat to the vet for a calming dose of medication. Attempting that with my child, however, would lead to a chaotic scene.

4. Sleep All Day

Getting my toddler to nap is akin to wrestling a wild animal. Cats, however, have earned their reputation for snoozing anywhere without complaint.

5. Collars

While it’s deemed unsafe to put a bell on a toddler, I often wish I had a way to hear my little shadow creeping up on me at night—especially when he decides to invade my personal space at 3 AM.

6. No Therapy Needed

At least my cat isn’t traumatized by inadvertently walking in on private moments. His disapproving stares don’t require family therapy sessions.

7. Bed Sharing

Even if I manage a romantic evening without interruption, my toddler inevitably finds his way into my bed, claiming all the space. My cat, however, prefers to curl up in a laundry basket instead.

8. Sex Education

If you’re raising tweens, you know the importance of spaying and neutering. It’s a simple lesson that doesn’t come with complicated discussions.

9. Bath Time

Bathing my toddler is a wrestling match, while my cat handles hygiene like a pro—quietly and without fuss. The mess my kids create during bath time pales in comparison.

10. Parasites

If my cat gets fleas, I can simply put him in the garage for a bit and treat him. The thought of nitpicking through my child’s hair is a nightmare I’d rather avoid.

11. Dinner

Cats are resourceful; if I forget to feed them, they’ll seek food elsewhere. Kids? They expect a meal on demand, regardless of my schedule.

12. Discipline

Disciplining a cat is a matter of a quick squirt of water; disciplining a child involves lengthy discussions and time-outs that feel endless.

13. Back Talk

My cat never tells me he hates me or argues over dinner options. Though I’m convinced he gave me the finger once, it was in jest.

14. Agility

Cats are known for their grace, whereas toddlers seem to have a talent for landing on their heads—often in the most precarious of situations.

15. Milk

At least when my cat enjoys a bowl of milk, I don’t have to worry about injury.

After experiencing the chaos of motherhood, I find myself admiring the cat lady lifestyle. She can leave her furry friends at home while shopping, without the fear of a child protective services intervention. Honestly, she seems to have it pretty good.

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In summary, while both cats and kids can bring joy, the ease of caring for cats is undeniably appealing.


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