How a Pregnant Woman with a Disability Navigates Insensitive Questions

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As a woman in my 30s who is visually impaired, I often turn heads when I walk down the street with my white cane. When my partner and I discovered we were expecting just six months after I lost my sight, we were both taken aback. The joy of impending parenthood was mixed with a healthy dose of anxiety. While we were confident in our ability to love and nurture a child, we knew that “disability” and “pregnancy” don’t usually coexist in people’s minds.

As my pregnancy progressed, I transitioned from being a neighborhood curiosity to a spectacle. The fact that a blind woman was pregnant and planning to raise a child seemed to baffle many. Already grappling with the challenges of a high-risk pregnancy, I found the intrusive questions and comments from strangers to be overwhelming.

I didn’t want to feel ashamed of my pregnancy or my disability. All I craved was for people to celebrate this milestone with me. However, congratulations were scarce, and unsolicited belly rubs became the norm. During one particularly emotional ultrasound appointment, I found myself in tears while discussing the situation with my doctor. After patiently listening to my outpouring of emotions, he asked me a simple yet profound question: “But why do you care?” His words struck a chord, and I realized that as a soon-to-be mother, it was essential for me to develop a thicker skin. I refused to let negativity overshadow the joy of my pregnancy.

Here’s how I’ve learned to respond to some of the most common insensitive questions I encounter:

1. Was this pregnancy planned?
   Well, the act was, but the baby was a delightful surprise! Family planning is a joint effort between my partner and me. We are overjoyed at this unexpected blessing, even if it came shortly after I lost my sight. Can’t we just celebrate this moment?
2. You’re not keeping it?
   If by “it” you mean my baby, why on earth wouldn’t I keep my child? I’m a well-educated woman in a loving, stable relationship, equipped to provide for this little one. Disabled people can be excellent parents—did you know that?
3. Where’s the father in all of this?
   Ah, you must mean my husband, who has been my partner for over a decade. He’s right here, and he’s just as excited about becoming a dad as I am about being a mom. Our relationship is like any other, full of love and commitment. Did you think my disability would deter him?
4. I didn’t think disabled people were ‘allowed’ to have kids.
   Let’s clear this up: there’s no law that mandates sterilization for disabled individuals. We have intimate lives just like anyone else and make the conscious choice to have children. It might surprise you, but people like me don’t need your permission to become parents!
5. But how will you ________?
   How will I change the baby? Feed it? Get to the pediatrician? Trust me, I’ve pondered all of these questions. Yes, I’m scared—who wouldn’t be? But I have nine months to strategize and find the resources I need to care for my child. You may not have the answers for me, but I will find a way to ensure my baby gets everything it needs.
6. Don’t you think having a disabled mother will be hard on your child?
   Yes, my child might face some unique challenges, but those challenges will teach them resilience and empathy. They will learn that life can be tough, but it’s possible to overcome obstacles. My disability doesn’t define my love for them or my ability to be a nurturing mother.

So, if you ever meet a pregnant woman with a disability, I urge you: don’t make assumptions or interrogate her. Instead, offer a warm compliment or a simple congratulations. Remember, the love a mother has for her child requires no special accommodations.

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In summary, the journey of motherhood is filled with challenges, and for those with disabilities, it can come with its own unique set of questions. However, with love and determination, every mother can embrace her pregnancy and the beautiful journey of parenthood that lies ahead.