Let’s be real: the notion of “having it all” often feels more like a burden than a blessing.
First, let me acknowledge my privilege—I’m a white woman with a college degree, married, and living in a picturesque mountain town. I have a career I enjoy, and I recognize that I’m fortunate. However, my experience with what it truly means to “have it all” might surprise you.
Just the other day, I strolled to my mailbox feeling accomplished. I have a 3-year-old and welcomed a newborn just a month ago. In that time, I’ve been working relentlessly, successfully managing to pay our bills and support my husband’s business while delivering quality work. And I haven’t even mentioned the new baby to anyone.
But just as I was patting myself on the back for these “achievements,” I had an embarrassing little accident. With light-gray sweatpants on, it was hard to hide. Awkward moment when my neighbor waved hello! By the time I got home, I had to jump on a conference call, stuck in those damp pants until it was over. Luckily, the baby stayed quiet until the call ended, only to wake up crying for a feed right after. So there I was, another half-hour spent in my pee-soaked pants. After burping the baby and getting spit-up in my hair, I had no time to fix it; I just pinned it back and changed quickly.
At 5 PM, my toddler burst in asking about the brownies I promised. Spoiler alert: they were not ready! My husband chimed in, asking about dinner. So, I strapped the baby in a sling and headed downstairs to whip up dinner and those brownies.
Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain. “Uh-oh,” I said. “I think I popped a stitch.” My husband’s concern was palpable, but I reassured him, “It feels wrong, but honestly, what can I do about it?”
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, I got to shower, but the discomfort was real. At my postpartum checkup, my doctor casually mentioned, “The stitches are almost dissolved, but healing is still ongoing.” Charming, right? I hadn’t left my room in weeks, save for quick food runs. I only took one day off for the birth. Just let that sink in for a second. Thankfully, there’s a bathroom attached to my room.
Looking around, I couldn’t help but notice the enormous pile of laundry—and yes, those are definitely my feet with chipped nail polish from two months ago. Oh, and there’s a bag of dirty diapers just a couple of feet away, filling the air with an unpleasant odor.
Let’s set the record straight—I’m not a single mom. My husband does more than most partners. I’m not scraping by on minimum wage. My only real struggle? Juggling the demands of being a working mother in the U.S.
What I see is that “having it all” has been grossly misconstrued. The feminist movements of the ‘60s aimed to provide women with choices—freedom to pursue careers, raise families, or do both. But the expectation that we can excel at everything simultaneously? That’s unrealistic.
Today, women are told they should have careers and children, or else they’re lazy or not fulfilling their roles as women. Yet, we’re expected to do it all without support—no paid maternity leave, no proper childcare, and no flexibility in the workplace. We celebrate companies that offer egg freezing but fall short when it comes to creating environments where women can actually have children without jeopardizing their careers.
Let’s be clear: the physical toll of childbirth and caring for a newborn is real. Women may need more time off than men. This isn’t an attack on men; it’s a call for society to step up. I’ve faced criticism from women for having children and working. It’s ironic that I’ve received more judgment from other women than from men.
I don’t expect an easy ride or to have it all without hard work. But we need to stop perpetuating the myth that women can have everything without sacrifice. The truth is, it’s a constant balancing act, and often, both career and family will suffer. You’ll feel inadequate in both roles, constantly torn between responsibilities while neglecting your own needs.
To truly embrace a new narrative for women, we must change societal norms. It should be acceptable for women to choose not to have children without constant questioning. Similarly, we need to normalize the choice to step back from work without judgment. Whether a woman opts out of parenting or the workforce, it should be respected without stigma.
We also need to ensure that women can pursue their careers without fear of being sidelined for having children. It should be okay to be pregnant and ambitious, without the pressure to hide or downplay your motherhood.
Women deserve support, regardless of their socioeconomic status. A corporate executive should have equal access to maternity leave and job security as a waitress. This is not just about allowances; it’s about acknowledging that for most mothers, working is a necessity, not a luxury.
Let’s redefine what “having it all” means—allow each woman to determine her version of a fulfilling life. Reflecting on the first month of my son’s life, where I was more focused on hiding my challenges than embracing them, is truly disheartening.
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Summary
The article candidly discusses the realities of “having it all” as a woman, highlighting the societal pressures and sacrifices that come with balancing career and family. It calls for a reevaluation of expectations placed on women and advocates for a society that supports diverse choices regarding motherhood and work.
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