If Moms Designed the New SAT: A Humorous Take on Testing

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As any parent with a high school student knows, the SAT is undergoing significant changes. While speculation abounds regarding what the revamped Scholastic Assessment Test will entail, we won’t truly understand its format until anxious teens flip open that test booklet in March 2016.

According to the College Board, the organization behind this widely-used college admission exam, “The SAT assesses the reading, writing, and mathematics skills learned in school that are essential for college and future success.” But does it truly gauge a 16- or 17-year-old’s preparedness for real-world challenges? Can a numerical score accurately reflect their ability to thrive in a university environment devoid of parental support, dorm rooms, and meal plans? I can only hope the College Board consulted some mothers during the redesign process. If they did, we might see questions like these:

  1. The kitchen trash can is overflowing. What’s the best solution?

    • a) Ignore it
    • b) Wait for Mom to take care of it
    • c) Use your strength to remove the bursting bag, tie it, take it outside, and replace it with a new bag
    • d) This situation has no resolution.
  2. There’s only one square of toilet paper left when Sibling A enters the bathroom. What’s the likelihood that Sibling B will have toilet paper for their next visit?

    • a) 100%
    • b) 0%
    • c) Pi
    • d) Depends on Mom’s proximity to the bathroom.
  3. Student C’s soccer uniform is dirty and smelly. With another game tomorrow, what’s the method of ensuring it’s clean?

    • a) Mitosis
    • b) Mom’s senses will trigger her laundry instincts
    • c) Student C must learn how to use the washing machine and handle it tonight
    • d) Fairies will take care of it.
  4. Teen D has all the latest gadgets, yet what’s the probability they can operate the dishwasher?

    • a) 100%
    • b) 0%
    • c) Hydrogen bonds
    • d) None of the above.
  5. There are two juice boxes in the fridge and 24 in the basement. How long will it take the kids to resolve the juice box dilemma?

    • a) 2 minutes
    • b) 10 minutes
    • c) 60 minutes
    • d) Time is irrelevant since sibling rivalry over who gets to fetch the extra juice box will lead to punishment.
  6. The human body sheds 30,000 to 40,000 skin cells each day. How often should bed sheets be changed?

    • a) Daily
    • b) Weekly
    • c) Never
    • d) What are bed sheets?
  7. If the Spanish Club is hosting a Fiesta on Friday, what’s the probability that Julia has bought everything for her gluten-free churros by Thursday at 10 p.m.? Is this chance the same, greater than, or less than that of her asking her mother for help?

    • a) Same
    • b) Greater than
    • c) Less than
    • d) None of the above—Julia forgot about the churros entirely.

If you find yourself chuckling at these scenarios, you might want to consider finding a New SAT tutor pronto. For more relatable insights, check out this blog post on Cervical Insemination. And if you’re exploring options for home insemination, consider browsing Make a Mom for their selection of at-home syringe kits. Additionally, American Pregnancy offers valuable resources on pregnancy and donor insemination.

In summary, the new SAT may not evaluate life’s most practical skills, but it sure does make us reflect on the everyday challenges our kids face—and how moms have the unique ability to solve them.


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