There comes a point in every parent’s journey through the toddler years when you realize you’ve had just about enough. Our youngest just hit the big 3, and after four years of toddlerhood, I’m feeling the strain. Sure, they’re adorable and all, but living in a cacophony of noise and chaos can make you feel like you’re at the edge of your sanity. We’re not exactly frazzled like we were during the baby days, but let’s just say we’re in a different kind of mess. If you find yourself nodding along, you’re probably feeling the same way. Here are 17 telltale signs you might be over the toddler phase:
- Your child’s favorite hiding spot? Right behind your phone while you scroll mindlessly. They could be staging a small rebellion, and you wouldn’t even notice.
- Streaky underwear? No longer a concern—it’s just part of the daily grind.
- You’ve surrendered to toddler life. Pajamas are your go-to attire as soon as you walk through the door. Meals consist of whatever you can find—cereal, leftover chicken nuggets, or pouches of veggies. Welcome to Stockholm syndrome, where you’re one of them.
- A quick swipe of a wipe is now your idea of handwashing.
- Screen time is pure bliss. Silence? Yes, please.
- Potty training? It’ll happen when it happens. After all, he’s halfway to being potty trained by now.
- You’ve accepted that they behave like angels for everyone else. Great, they ate broccoli with the neighbor; just don’t throw it in your face.
- You only clean when the fear of judgment looms large. Even then, it’s more of a facade than a thorough clean. You think about pretending someone is coming over every Sunday to keep things tidy, but it never works out. The pressure needs to be real and imminent.
- Honestly, I don’t care what they watch. If it keeps them quiet, it’s fair game—even if it’s not exactly age-appropriate.
- Anyone suggesting toddlers need more than one bath a week? Uninvited.
- One pair of pants per day is the rule. A drop of water? Too bad. Either wear them or go without; it applies to adults too!
- Saying “put your pee pee away” has become a daily mantra, and you’re done.
- You fantasize about getting a restraining order just to enjoy a moment of peace in the bathroom.
- Fine, go ahead and touch it. You’ve reached that point.
- Throwback Thursday brings a glimmer of hope. Those parents you envy, running marathons and looking fabulous, were once just like you: sleep-deprived, disheveled, and overwhelmed. But look at them now, thriving!
- You’ve discovered the art of getting your kids to swear for your entertainment. Just say the word, and you’re doubled over in laughter.
- You’re not above bribing your kids with money or screens. Seriously, use it while you can; the cost is only going to rise!
The toddler years have their perks, no doubt. They may be a whirlwind, but at least they’re walking now, which means sometimes I can get a beer delivered right to me. Ah, the joys of parenthood.
Alright, I’ve gotta run and “prepare” some gourmet cheese sticks and applesauce for the little ones. Hey, kid—bring me that beer!
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