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Parenting
I Truly Wanted to Attend Your Gathering!
by Jessica Hartman
Updated: March 18, 2021
Originally Published: November 19, 2015
DenRz / Shutterstock
For the third time this year, I’ve RSVP’d to a gathering and, quite frankly, committed a major faux pas—I didn’t show up. Sure, they were all large-scale events—casual cocktail parties, Halloween celebrations, school fundraisers—those kinds of affairs where, ideally, my absence might go unnoticed. Yet, my habit of saying “yes” and then backing out leaves me feeling guilty. I’m not flaking on a $150-per-person wedding or an intimate dinner party for six, but still, that’s no excuse. I’ve confirmed my attendance, and the hosts are counting on me. To be honest, I genuinely wanted to be there!
To make matters even more complicated, I pride myself on my etiquette and adherence to social norms. I still handwrite my holiday cards, believing that a personal touch means something. I take the time to write genuine thank-you notes and heartfelt letters of condolence for those who are grieving. I have never missed a volunteer shift or a carpool duty unless absolutely necessary.
So, how is it that I—a person who understands the rudeness of skipping out—find myself in this situation? Not too long ago, after a week filled with the exhausting cycle of diaper changing, grilled cheese making, and tantrum taming, I craved a night out. I would’ve jumped at any invitation—whether it was a fundraiser for a local charity or a gathering for a neighbor’s pet. The chance to socialize with other adults was a refreshing escape, a necessity.
Now, however, life has taken a different turn. My favorite little ones are busy with their own lives—homework, sports, friendships—and I’m often left working, driving, and juggling countless errands. My focus has shifted from needing to break away from home for a recharge to longing for the rare moments of stillness with my family.
When I receive an invitation to a party, I initially feel delighted. I adore the hosts! The guest list promises a fantastic time! The theme sounds fun! Yet, as the night approaches, I find myself overwhelmed. After a week filled with work, errands, and shuttling kids around town, I start to feel depleted. As my family finally returns home, I realize it’s the first time I’ve truly connected with them all week.
At this point, I begin to reconsider my plans. Wouldn’t it be lovely to cuddle on the sofa with my family instead? Let’s be real—I’m feeling a bit self-conscious about my outfit, and the weather isn’t great for my one cute pair of shoes. Plus, I’m utterly exhausted. I even woke up early to squeeze in a workout before the day began.
Then, the doubts creep in. Would anyone really notice if I didn’t show up? Honestly, I start to think that they might even prefer my absence. They probably think I talk too much or laugh too loudly anyway.
The reality is that what keeps me home is the desire to cherish these moments with my family while I still can. When I ponder how quickly time flies—how fast my kids are growing—I feel a tightness in my chest. My oldest will be off to college in just three years. I don’t get much quality time with him anymore, and here he is, wanting to hang out with me on a Friday night.
It’s simply too inviting to sink into the couch surrounded by my boys and just be. So, for now, these parties can slip through my fingers. I know I should probably just decline, but I genuinely intend to attend. When I do miss out, perhaps the key is to embrace the choice to forgo socializing for precious family time. And hopefully, the hosts will understand if they find themselves in a similar situation someday.
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In summary, while I may have good intentions when I RSVP to gatherings, my family time often takes precedence. It’s a balancing act that many can relate to—finding the joy in social events while also cherishing the fleeting moments at home.
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