“This is what parenting is all about? This is unbearable,” my partner exclaimed, standing in the dimly lit kitchen at 2 a.m., struggling with a bag of frozen breast milk. I sat nearby, clad in mesh underwear and tears, reflecting on the aftermath of my emergency C-section and the painful beginnings of breastfeeding. Our little one wailed incessantly, and we hadn’t caught a wink of sleep in what felt like an eternity. I was lost in a haze of sorrow, unable to differentiate between moments of crying and brief respites, all while managing the relentless cycle of pumping, feeding, and changing our 1-week-old. Add in a fever that my OB dismissed, and a sense of hopelessness enveloped us.
“This must be what being a parent is,” we lamented, feeling as if the rest of the world was playing a cruel joke on us with their cheerful social media posts and picture-perfect family cards. For us, the early days of parenthood were defined by pain, exhaustion, and overwhelming anxiety.
But it did get better, eventually. Now, our baby is a vibrant 5-year-old, thriving in kindergarten. Looking back, I realize a significant part of our initial horror stemmed from the uncertainty of when it would end. We believed the ceaseless demands of a newborn were our new normal, and that felt dreadfully bleak.
Every day seemed to unveil new challenges: the agony of the C-section, the soreness from nursing, the endless cycle of diaper changes, and my spiking temperature. My partner aptly dubbed that grueling period “Antietam,” after the infamous Civil War battle, and it lasted three excruciating months—until our baby began sleeping longer, my body healed, and our spirits lifted.
What I wish I had understood back then is that improvement comes in two-week increments. This knowledge made the transition to our second child far smoother; we were aware of how long each phase would last—even the daunting task of cleaning the umbilical cord. Before the arrival of our second, I mentally rehearsed those first days and weeks, coaching myself through the impending challenges: “The C-section recovery will ease in two weeks; don’t hesitate to take the Percocet.” By the third or fourth week, nursing would be less painful. I knew to anticipate significant milestones at the eight-week mark, when life would start feeling more manageable, and by 10 to 12 weeks, my baby would be more stable and less fragile. If we were fortunate, sleep would improve by 14 weeks.
During those early days with our second child, I whispered my pep talk to myself: “It gets easier after two weeks.” On particularly tough days of nursing, I reminded myself, “Just endure until week four; you can stop if it’s still unbearable.” The nighttime wake-ups? They were indeed tough, but I held on to the hope that longer stretches of sleep were just around the corner. Yes, those early days dragged on—on day 11, I repeated “This is day 11” to myself countless times. But knowing that every stage comes with an end was a source of immense comfort, making the newborn phase with our second much more bearable than the first.
A close friend, on the cusp of welcoming her second child, sent herself an email to arrive exactly at the two-week mark—the most challenging moment in her experience. In it, she reminded herself that this was the nadir, and things would only improve from there.
So, if you’re currently navigating the newborn phase, I hope my journey offers you some solace. In my experience, things improve in two-week increments. Life gets a little easier at 2 weeks, then at 4 weeks, and continues to get better at 6, 8, 10, and 12 weeks. (I don’t mean to downplay your feelings: If you’re facing profound despair, anxiety, or depression, please reach out to your healthcare provider immediately.) However, for the typical struggles of parenthood, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. This challenging stage will pass—just about every two weeks.
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In summary, the newborn stage may feel overwhelming, but remember that with each passing day, you’re one step closer to brighter days ahead. Hang in there; you’ve got this!
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