Dear Grandparents,
I hold a deep respect for your role in our children’s lives. Your enthusiasm and commitment to spending time with your grandkids are truly commendable. I won’t hinder the special bond you share with my children; in fact, I wholeheartedly encourage it.
Feel free to visit often, reach out through calls or emails, send them fun packages (even if they don’t need them), and indulge them with ice cream before dinner. It’s your well-earned privilege to spoil them and then leave the aftermath for me to manage. All of this is perfectly acceptable.
However, there is one boundary I must ask you to respect: please refrain from parenting or advising me on how to raise my children. Your time was once upon a time—now it’s my turn. My partner and I determine what values and principles are important for our family and how we wish our children to navigate the world. What happens in our home is ultimately our decision.
If you see someone about to tumble off a roof, or if a child is about to throw sharp objects or run around with a knife, then please intervene. In all other situations, I kindly request that you take a step back. Matters such as their diet, bedtime, clothing choices, and behavior are under my purview. Rest assured that if they misbehave or speak out of line, I will handle it. You may not always see the consequences of their actions, but trust that I will address it.
There’s no need to bring up how infrequently they call or the delay in thank-you notes. If you want a hug or a kiss, simply give them one. Guilt has no place in your relationship with my children, and I won’t have you using it as a tool.
Your role is simple yet vital: shower your grandchildren with love. Make them feel cherished. Let your face light up when they enter the room. Enjoy your time together, knowing that the harder aspects of parenting—the growth, the discipline, the heartaches—are mine to navigate.
So please, leave the parenting to the parents.
Much appreciated,
Your grandchildren’s mother
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