Navigating single parenthood after 40 has taught me a lot about making choices. It’s a simple concept I like to call “OR.” And no, I’m not referring to a surgical room; I’m talking about the conjunction that represents the tough decisions we often face. Think of it like the Miranda rights: you have the right to an attorney OR one will be provided for you. That’s the essence of “OR.”
When a marriage ends, you often find yourself making a choice between time OR money. Unfortunately, it’s rarely a straightforward decision, and sometimes it feels like you don’t have either. It’s not common for both parents to emerge with a fair share of time and financial resources, unless you happen to be in the realm of celebrities. For many of us, parenting solo means that during the days we have the kids, our time is stretched thin while financial obligations weigh heavily on our shoulders. In many states, the 50/50 financial split guarantees that our bank accounts, retirement funds, and living spaces suffer.
For me, during my divorce, I ended up with “time,” while my ex-husband secured “money.” Sure, my work life was less stressful, but that was before the necessity to pay the bills kicked in. Now, I find myself choosing between hosting lavish birthday celebrations or simply ensuring we have a roof over our heads. Meanwhile, my former spouse, with more financial freedom, gets to whisk the kids away on luxurious vacations and buy them the latest gadgets. Isn’t it ironic how he gets to be the fun parent while I’m left managing the day-to-day grind?
Another “OR” that resonates with many women over 40 is the classic dilemma of choosing between looking after our faces OR our bodies. This is true regardless of marital status because, let’s face it, gravity is an equal opportunity offender. Striving for a fit physique often comes at the cost of youthful skin. If you work hard at the gym and achieve a great figure, you might find your face losing its youthful plumpness. I like to think my casual approach to fitness has preserved my facial appearance, allowing a little extra weight to work wonders as I approach my 50s.
As a single, working mom, I constantly encounter these “OR” decisions. I can either whip up a delicious dinner OR tackle my overflowing inbox. That hour between 5 and 6 is prime real estate for productivity, but it’s always a choice. Some evenings, I have to sacrifice gourmet meals for the sake of catching up on work, while other times, “OR” becomes “NOR,” and takeout is our best option.
Vacations also come with their own set of “ORs.” When finances allow, I can take my kids on trips to places I want to visit. However, the reality of traveling solo with kids—often a 1-to-3 adult-to-kid ratio—can be overwhelming. I seek out vacation rentals with great kitchen views, as I know that’s where I’ll spend most of my time, cooking and cleaning. I get to enjoy a “vacation” OR relaxing, but sometimes the trade-offs just aren’t worth it.
This stage of life also brings many “ANDs.” You get the laundry AND the dishes, and for many of us, this has been the case throughout our marriages. Yet, the simple idea of having another adult to help—even if just in our imaginations—can lighten the load, alongside a second glass of wine, of course. That’s one choice I wholeheartedly embrace: I’ll take both my first glass AND my second, thank you very much.
For more insights on parenting and the challenges we face, check out this related post on intracervicalinsemination.org. And if you’re considering options for starting a family, Make a Mom offers reliable at-home insemination syringe kits. Additionally, Women’s Health provides excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, single parenthood is filled with choices that often leave us weighing one option against another. As we navigate this journey, it’s important to remember that each decision shapes our experience, whether we’re choosing between time or money, dinner or emails, or even the little things that bring us joy.
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