There’s a common belief that once a relationship ends, all ties should be severed. To some, the idea of dining with an ex a decade later is utterly baffling. However, I stand firmly against that notion.
During my single years, I dated extensively. I wasn’t particularly interested in blind dates until a former coworker introduced me to a psychiatrist. He was charming and seemed well-adjusted, but he had a rigid view on friendships between men and women. Over an extravagant dinner, he declared that he could never date someone who kept in touch with her exes. At that moment, I almost choked on my shrimp and knocked over my wine glass—a little vodka from my purse helped me recover.
I firmly told him that I couldn’t be with someone who was so insecure about my past relationships. His next argument was that sexual tension is essential for male-female friendships. We bantered back and forth, resembling an old married couple in a heated argument, until he pulled out his Ph.D. credentials. If I remember correctly, I left that date feeling a bit shaken.
Fast forward to today, my friendships have only grown stronger over the years. The men I once dated are now husbands and fathers, and their wives have graciously welcomed me into their lives. I would be dishonest if I said I didn’t cherish these women. The reality is, just because a romantic relationship doesn’t last, it doesn’t mean the friendship has to vanish. When you spend a significant amount of time with someone, you often develop a friendship—sometimes even a deep bond—so why end it?
Recently, I hosted an event and invited my local supporters. It was a heartwarming occasion, filled with loved ones, including my ex-boyfriends and their wives. At one point, two of them arrived simultaneously as my husband walked in. The energy was palpable, and we shared some hearty laughs at my expense. The wives and I exchanged giggles over the irony, and one of them commented, “It really says a lot about you that they would want to be here.” Another chimed in, calling me the “cool ex-girlfriend.” She mentioned that I was the only one of her husband’s past girlfriends she had ever liked.
When I returned home that evening, I was overwhelmed with gratitude. Not only did these men come to support me, but their wives also extended their friendship to me, a truly precious gift. They had no obligation to engage with me, yet they embraced me wholeheartedly, honoring my loyalty to their husbands. It was a touching day that left a lasting impact.
My husband and I have been friends for over 25 years. He was my platonic roommate during one of my previous relationships, and we actually met while I was dating his best friend. I’ve always been transparent with him about my past, and he respects the importance of those friendships in my life. He encourages me to maintain them, showing that trust and understanding are key to any strong relationship.
I consider myself incredibly fortunate to have these individuals in my life—people who trust me and recognize the purity of my intentions. As we age, we discover who our true friends are, and sometimes they come from unexpected places. I’m excited to have added some wonderful women to my circle, and I’m confident that it will only get better.
As for my disastrous blind date, he’s likely still out there searching for “Mrs. Right,” but at least he covered dinner and didn’t pursue anything further, proving that not all friendships are worth keeping.
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In summary, maintaining connections with ex-partners can lead to enriching friendships and a strong support system, proving that relationships can transform rather than end.
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