When we exchange vows, we often envision a blissful partnership filled with love, laughter, and shared adventures. We believe that together, we will thrive and find happiness that we could never achieve alone. But what happens when the reality of marriage falls short of this ideal?
Marriages can vary widely, from deeply fulfilling unions to partnerships that leave us scratching our heads, wondering how they ever started. I often think that if a marriage can’t be great, it should at least be bad enough to make the decision to leave clear-cut. However, many couples find themselves in a gray area, where both partners feel a vague sense of discontent but lack the motivation to end things.
Research from a team at Brigham Young University reveals that a staggering 75% of couples may be in what they term “ambivalent marriages.” According to a recent article by Emma Taylor, the lead researcher, these relationships are characterized by partners who are mostly supportive but exhibit negativity in certain areas. Unfortunately, these ambivalent marriages can take a toll on physical health.
The BYU study measured blood pressure among couples and found that those in so-so marriages had poorer blood pressure compared to couples in thriving relationships. This suggests that while marriage generally offers health benefits, those in ambivalent situations are at risk. Taylor elaborates, stating, “Feeling invalidated by a partner can be more harmful than feeling validated can be helpful.”
I wonder how these so-so marriages compare to the health of those who are happily single. From what I’ve seen, many individuals, particularly women, stay in lukewarm marriages due to the fear of starting anew, especially when financial concerns and children are involved. In the BYU study, none of the participants had children, which may have influenced their perspectives.
It’s essential to recognize that “ambivalent” can cover a broad spectrum of experiences—from those who feel near misery to those who are only occasionally dissatisfied. Each person has their own threshold for when enough is enough. If you’re in this predicament, consider checking out resources like the book “Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay” for guidance.
The silver lining is that, according to Taylor, many ambivalent marriages can be improved. Simple communication can go a long way—asking your partner how certain behaviors affect you and discussing ways to foster emotional and intellectual intimacy can create a more fulfilling connection. And remember, that’s precisely what therapists are trained to help with.
However, if these efforts do not yield the desired results, it could be the nudge that leads you to consider a happier, healthier single life.
In summary, ambivalent marriages are far from uncommon and can negatively impact health and happiness. Yet, with honest communication and the right support, many couples can navigate their issues. For those looking to improve their fertility during this journey, reputable online retailers like Make a Mom offer fertility supplements, and resources like the CDC can provide valuable information about pregnancy and home insemination. For deeper insights into relationships, explore more in our blog here.
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