I’m a proud parent of two wonderful sons. They are energetic, healthy, and bring joy to my life every single day. Yet, it seems like every other day, someone feels the need to ask if I’m planning to have a daughter. It’s astonishingly rude, presumptuous, and frankly offensive. So, let’s put an end to it.
When Did This Become Acceptable?
When did it become acceptable for people to question the adequacy of someone else’s family? Just a few weeks after my younger son was born, we took him and his older brother out to eat. The server glanced at my little one in his blue outfit and immediately asked, “So, when are you going to try for a girl next?” Seriously? I had just given birth and still looked as if I were pregnant!
Honestly, I did envision having a daughter at one point. I’ve even penned an article about it. But every time someone inquires if I’m “going for the girl,” it feels like a punch to the gut. It’s a reminder that I won’t have the chance to style a little girl’s hair, teach her about inspiring women, or assist her in selecting a wedding dress one day. It’s a bittersweet moment where I have to smile and shake my head while grieving the daughter I thought would be a part of my life. Thanks for that, strangers.
What About My Son?
What’s even more concerning? My son is hearing these comments. At nearly five years old, how must he interpret these inquiries? Does he think he’s inadequate simply because he’s not a girl? While I always respond by highlighting how amazing my boys are, I worry about the message he’s absorbing—that children are only valued for their gender.
My Journey with Motherhood
I consider myself fortunate to have two children. During my older son’s emergency C-section, I learned about my uterine anomaly—I only have part of a functional uterus. The left side of my reproductive system doesn’t work at all. Many women face infertility issues due to similar conditions, and I recognize how blessed I am to have successfully carried two pregnancies. So, do I want to try for a girl? Honestly, I’m not even sure I could conceive again if I wanted to.
What if I desperately wanted another child and couldn’t get pregnant? I never had to explore fertility treatments, but many women do. Think of those who have experienced miscarriages or lost babies. Constantly being reminded of what could have been must be heart-wrenching. I can’t imagine the pain of having to reply to these inquiries if I had lost a daughter.
Respecting Privacy
Ultimately, my reproductive choices are mine alone. I’m generally open about my life—I even share personal essays online. But discussing my family planning with strangers? That’s a different story. I shouldn’t have to navigate awkward conversations about my children’s genders or whether I intend to have more kids.
Considerate Conversations
So, the next time you encounter a parent at the park, consider asking something neutral instead. Avoid questioning parents of boys if they want a girl or those with girls if they long for a boy. Don’t pry into the family plans of those who have only one child or criticize those with multiple kids. It’s no one’s business, and you have no idea what they might have gone through.
For a deeper dive into the complexities of family planning and the emotional aspects of trying for a child, check out this insightful post here. Additionally, if you’re considering at-home insemination, a reputable option is available through this link. And for more resources on pregnancy and home insemination, this is an excellent guide you might find helpful here.
In Summary
Let’s stop asking intrusive questions about family size and gender preferences. Everyone’s journey is unique, and we should respect that.
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